Where did I come from!? in A New Beginning to an Old Story.

Woah, am I actually writing? Jeez. Feels like forever. I need to write more in order to save my own sanity. I feel like my thoughts have been locked inside my head for way too long. Im more or less in the same spot I was before, so not much has changed. BF and I took a break, I moved back to my parents for like 3 weeks - until we actually started talking and made this steller plan on how we were going to start over and make everything ALL BETTER and great. So I moved back home.
It was great for about 2 weeks… then old habits came back, the comfort was there and it all went back to shit. Good try though, guys! Good try.

We just don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. I know I shouldn’t, but I broke down and asked a few friends their opinions on my situation, a few who even know the BF. Mostly because I needed to vent, and also because I truly felt like maybe I was going crazy. They all say the exact same things - “How have you not killed him already?!” or “Kudos to you for staying so long” oh and “He needs to grow the fuck up. Jesus.” Things of that sort.

One said he seems to have a victim complex. I started listening to the things he says and its true. He’s always the victim. He uses guilt and blame… and when you turn the tables and call him out its all guilt trips or he shuts down. Typical. Desire to avoid responsibility.

So then why am I still here? Some sick part of me cannot leave. Well, I left but I came back. I can’t stay away. I feel like some part of me needs him, even if its just near me. HOW FUCKED.

I don’t get it. But today he told me we’re not compatible, because we haven’t had sex in 3 days (i’ve been working 14hr days and im exhausted) yet when I tried to initiate he blew me off and said No because its “not the way he wants it”. Apparently I just want to “bang it out” which I still don’t understand. Doesn’t everyone? I mean… its sex… how can it not be a good time?

Oh right… when it becomes a chore and your BF has insane expectations and you’re not a mind reader so you fuck yourself over trying to please the unpleasable.

ANYWAY.

This turned into an angry, retarded, rant. No one wins from that!