reality check; the no-ballistic edition. *EDITED in advent 2013

WHERE: in the bath. There are no Lush smellies in here with me today although I was given a whole bunch for my birthday!

WEARING: slightly less than usual; no hair band (i couldn't be arsed) and no Womad ticket holders wrist band since I took it od yesterday.

FITNESS UPDATE: swimming was hard yesterday - everything seems hard right now in a running on empty kind of way. I enjoyed the swim and kept going for 45 minutes, I only got out because I had to, I'd have happily stayed all day. I do love how my body floats and bobs about, the feel of the water surrounding me. As for my foot, there isn't a great deal of stiffness at the moment and Stuart (my physio) said I could run whenever I felt ready. But I'm scared. I'm really scared of running and waking up unable to move, I would have to stretch a ridiculous amount for my own brain to be satisfied.

IN THE NEWS: Nelson Mandela has died. The first I was aware of him was in the early eighties when the specials sang Free Nelson Mandela and I supported his plight. But I can't help feeling conflicted by the violence that he and his fellow ANC fighters caused. The deaths amongst innocent people.

READING: one of my birthday books, I can't remember what it's called but it's about a psychiatrist who ifs sent in search of a newly developed, but recently stolen, love potion.

ACTIVITIES TODAY:toy library, Lila has a hospital appointment at 3pm. Hopefully her eyes have improved a bit. I've noticed less movement in the wandering one recently.

THINKING ABOUT: my birthday. I think it's the first time ever that I felt my birthday didn't live up to expectation.I never expect a lot you see, but buzz about in a haze of happiness. I was at school so I took in cupcakes and all was merry. I handed them out at morning break time and everyone was all happy for me and then at lunch time I walked in to the staff room for lunch. I was busying myself with my food and it was slowly that things started popping out at me. Everyone was sitting quietly instead of laughing and joking. Both head teachers were there, looking serious. Teachers that never go in the staff room were there. Then one of the heads made the announcement. Ofsted had phoned and were coming the next day. Of course, the whole tone of the day changed. I went into my one in one reading interventions and afterwards, at 2:30, instead of going back over the foot bridge to our suburb, I was back in year one tidying up the art area, refilling paint pots for the next day and when I left just before 3 no one noticed as they were prepping the kids to be on their best behaviour the next day. I was then late picking Lyf up from preschool and late picking up the other five kids from school. Later, when it was just my family, we did cake and gifts and I feel so selfish for feeling it, but I was disappointed. It'd specifically asked Rich to buy me an ice cream maker and he bought me a purple scarf. Admittedly it's cashmere and very warm, however, that doesn't help my disappointment. I have plenty of scarves but no ice cream makers. I just feel that a scarf is the sort off thing a mother in law would buy and usually Rich has such a great sense of imagination for gifts. When I commented, jokingly, about the ice cream maker he said "it seemed too hard, I couldn't be bothered." I just feel shit about it. You know?

PLANNING: to find suitable knickers to wear with sanitary protection, Tia flo (as I call her) is visiting.

Edit. Seriously, I've just been on live radio! Toy Library, secretary gave my number to the radio, they just phoned me! Live radio! Holy crap batman! Rich listened at work and said he wanted someone to walk in to his office so hee could say "that's my wife." *mush* he may be a teensy bit forgiven!