Today, I am 30 weeks pregnant. only 8-10 weeks left until my baby boy arrives! im starting to get more jittery about the whole birthing thing. im not worries about when hes here. im worried about him exiting my body. legitimate worry, i supposed for a first timer. no matter what i read about or talk to other “experienced” women about, im still worried.
im not even sure what my biggest fear is. i started practicing deep breathing and holding an ice cube in my bare hands. ive gotten up to 2 minutes. the ice cube is a simple way to feel pain without actually harming yourself. so yay 2 minutes! the breathing really helped actually. it got my mind off my cold hand. going to see if i can up it every day by a minute. im hoping the deep breathing, walking, massages and hot showers will help with the contractions. im not fully ruling out an epidural, but i dont really want one either. i dunno…to me that is scarier than contractions. a womans body is created to give birth. there are many doctors and nurses around during labor that can help me. ill have my husband there and family will be waiting in the waiting area. that part i think i can get through. i think what im most afraid of is him actually coming out of my vagina. im afraid of tearing or getting an episiodemy or having issues afterward. i dont want to tear and i dont want to have continence problems after ward. i dunno…i guess thats the part im dreading the most. thats the part that hurts the most. thats the part that no matter what, you feel it. even if you get the drugs, when its time to push, they ease back on the meds so you can feel what youre doing. sigh
and then millions of women do this every day, right? babies are born every day. and the moms are fine. you have a recovery period and you get back to where you were. it will be ok…right? i just think of all the horror stories people tell you and how it was such a terrible, but rewarding experience. its all scary. i think as long as dann is by my side, ill be ok. ill be able to do it. itll happen and ill be ok. we’ll be ok. everything will be ok! lol
im thinking about going to a birthing class too. gotta talk to the husband about it tonight. we can register at our hospital for a three night course over three weeks the month before hes here. we get a tour of the hospital, get classes on giving birth and relaxation techniques and what is required of him, and basic infant care information. it would be good to do, but my hospital is very expensive. $375 for the course. not sure if its worth it…a friend of mine is taking a similar course at her hospital, but they allow other parents to come to the classes, and it was $185, but im not sure if it was a 1 time class or over the course of a few weeks. gotta look again. if you have any thoughts on birthing classes, positive or negative, please send me a note. i need to decide soon if im going to register for these or not.
just my current thoughts on my current situation. baby has been moving around a lot today. pretty much any time i sit down, he reminds me hes in there. apparently, when ive been teaching hes been moving around and some of the kids and paras have seen it. a kid asked me if he was hurting me one day and i said no i think hes sleeping, it doesnt hurt when he moves…i didnt realize that maybe he had kicked and i just hadnt realized it because i was absorbed in teaching at the moment. one of my paras let me know she saw the baby kick when i was teaching and some of the kids saw it too. so good to know he is active all the time! he is currently rolling around and pushing outward. im still waiting to see a hand or a big roll and catch it on video, but no such luck yet! every time i get the camera out, he decides its time for a break lol.
second week of school went better than the first week of school. im connecting more with my tier three students and keeping my classes engaged. i tried a new meter activity with students bouncing tennis balls to each other that went really well and my “rock” passing game to practice steady beat with my kindergarteners also went very well. they were great sports, even though not everyone was able to have a turn. tuesday is instrument rental night and ill be handing out contracts on friday (we have wednesday and thursday off). hopefully i can get the contracts back within a week and a half so i can process them and get the instruments ordered! hoping to also put together most of my paperwork before i go into the office so it is smoother sailing there. i need to talk with my union rep about setting up my IRA and just anything else i need to do to finish up my hiring process. i tried doing direct deposit online today, but the link was not available for me to use. apparently, they shut it down over the weekend? sigh oh nycdoe…how inefficient you are! the system they use for all of this looks exactly like CUNYFirst as well…i really think it is the same server, which is a really crappy server. so at least i got something out of the crappy administration at cuny! OH! and apparently i havent graduated because i was supposed to fill out a form i didnt know about when i wasnt taking classes last semester…so now my actual graduation date is going to be pushed back. i dont understand, so wednesday im getting up early to go to queens college and sort all of that out. and its also going to cost me like $200, which makes no sense at all. such is life!
later all!
~mana~
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