When I met my exwife, she had recently been in a long-term relationship with a woman. One of the things I noticed about her right away was that her bisexuality wasn’t just a random part of who she was, but it was something she wore as a badge.
As a typical guy, I thought that was really hot. I loved that we could talk about girls that we both found attractive. I had grown up in a family where homosexuality was taboo and something evil that we shouldn’t even acknowledge or talk about. So to suddenly be in a relationship with a person who firsthand experience with it and who saw it as a completely normal part of life was very exciting to me. I enjoyed seeing it differently with her and having my horizons broadened.
I remember seeing lesbian erotica on her bookshelf and thinking it was really interesting that she just had that sitting out where any visitor could see it. If I had any erotica, it was buried in a shoebox in my closet.
One day early in our relationship before we lived together, I was driving not far from her place and I noticed a sign in a window of a local bar that advertised “Dyke Night” every Wednesday. After seeing that, I couldn’t rid myself of the fantasy of my girlfriend actually going to that bar on Wednesday. I couldn’t just suggest it to her, I was too nervous for such a thing, but I wanted to hint at it.
I suggested going to the bar several times, and she always seemed interested but then we’d always come up with some other idea and reason why we couldn’t go. Then one Wednesday night I suggested we go, and without hesitation she responded that Wednesday was their lesbian night and that it’d probably be weird for me to be there. I laughed, and acted like I had no idea about their lesbian night. Then I suggested she should go there some night without me. I made it sound like I was just being playful, but had a tiny bit of seriousness in there too.
She commented that it could be fun someday, and that was the end of that. Once again, something that was fun and exciting for me was just normal and not a big deal to her.
A few weeks later, I had plans on a Wednesday night and she was going to be alone. I was talking to her about what she might do and she casually said that she might go check out the dyke night at that bar we were always talking about. Instant excitement on my part. I wasn’t sure how to respond without showing how much I really wanted her to do that. Trying to sound very neutral, I said, “Sounds like fun, go check out all the sexy ladies.” She confirmed she was going to go, and that whole evening while I was out with my friends all I could think about was my girlfriend was at a lesbian bar. I was in a state of constant excitement and arousal.
I was really looking forward to hearing about her experience the next day, and was waiting for her to volunteer some information, but she didn’t. I grew impatient and said, “Did you have fun last night?”
She gave a vague answer about having a good time and how she hadn’t been to a lesbian bar in a long time. So I asked what makes it so different. Are girls just making out all over the place? She laughed and said that you might see some women kissing, but for the most part it’s just like a normal bar except everyone is a lesbian.
I wasn’t sure how much further I should push the conversation, but I asked, “See any women you thought were hot?” She laughed again and said that most of them were hot. Since she wasn’t giving me much to work with, I blurted out, “I think it’s really sexy that you went to a lesbian bar and were checking out women.”
This caught her by surprise. She told me she thought I would be upset that she was checking out other women and turned on by other women. I insisted that it didn’t bother me at all. She asked how I would feel if she started going to dyke night on a regular basis, and I told her I would really like that.
There was a period of several months after that where Wednesday was her night to go to the bar, and we never made plans for that night. Sometimes she would talk to me about things that she saw or did at the bar, sometimes it wouldn’t even come up.
Then it was spring, and because Pride season was starting there were other lesbian events coming up. She asked me one week if I would be bothered by her participating in a lesbian march that they do every year during pride week.
It seemed like such a small thing at the time, but I look back at this as the first thing in a long chain of events that eventually ended our relationship after nearly 13 years.
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