Useless blahblah thoughts. in A New Beginning to an Old Story.

I don't want to focus too much on the negative stuff because I feel like I've had enough of that in the past week to last me a damn lifetime.

First off.. the whole boyfriend situation. Some seriously unwanted and straight up hurtful things were said between us. However, they were things that NEEDED to be said. We've both been holding things in that the other needed to hear. I legit told him We are Over. I was at that point. In my head anyway, my heart was freaking the fuck out like WHAT DID YOU JUST DO!? But you know, shit got to that point. We both decided that this fight we have, we have way too often. And it needs to stop. If it happens again, we need to walk away because it's childish and stupid and frankly, neither of us deserve it. So we are on a journey to find the be all, end all, root cause of this shit. So far I've realized he needs to really get in touch with his feelings and find a way to suck it up and face them. I need to stop being a child. Stop being so insecure and look for him and others to fill the void that I need to fill MYSELF. It's not his job. No where under the job description of boyfriend does it say "fill all emotional voids she has". That's impossible because most of this crap is deep inside and issues I need to deal with on my own. Then WE need to work on communication. Trust issues and our damned commitment phobia. It's so crazy because we both love each other, we know we do, we both feel the same... but we have the same issues blocking us from making this stupid shit actually work and it's bullshit.

I am going to try to make fitness my number one focus now. I have been lazy and unhealthy and it's grossing me out. Somehow though, I haven't gained any weight. I do not know how that is, but awesome! Now time to lose it. We shall see how that one goes.

Also, WTF Canada? This weather is scary and stupid. Highways are completely closed due to accidents. We've had to stop a lot of our workers because road conditions are horrible. Like the snow will almost melt because its so nice, then we will get freezing rain and then 30cm of cold snow dumped on us. It's just a recipe for disaster! Also, this wet fog we have hovering over the city.. GO AWAY!!!!!