Rock n Roll Lies in 2015

I’m in Bristol. I’ve had a wine, and I met up with an old Cardiff friend who I thought was lost in the dreadful herpesgate incident. But here he is in Brizzle, and here am I.

I was so fucking anxious coming here. Nervous about being on my own and somewhere I don’t know that well and out of my comfort zone. But give me a few hours and I’m accidentally haggling for wine, jumping on buses and generally bloody loving being in a city. I miss Cardiff so hard but maybe it’s more than that, maybe I just had my formative years in a city and I feel a bit isolated without that. I don’t need a lot of new people - I love the people I have and I am content and happy in only seeing the ones who mean the most a few times a year - but I feel less alone in a city. I love being somewhere that it’s acceptable to go to a pub or restaurant alone and read a book, I love that there is so much more acceptance and variety. I feel more invisible and yet more free to engage with people, all at once. It just feels more normal.

I delayed the ovarian drilling. I rang the fertility clinic and asked what would happen if we didn’t do it right now. They said we could go see them in 6 months, and then if we still aren’t ready we can be referred back from our GP, which obviously takes time, but not as long as starting from scratch again. I feel relief. I think that’s a good sign. I wanted this all so much but all I want right now is my life and my husband and our fun. I have to make the choices for the people we are right now, and we are doing ok.