Throw it all Away
Take your cautionary tales
And take your incremental gain
And all the sycophantic games
And throw ‘em all away
Burn your tv in your yard
And gather ‘round it with your friends
And warm your hands upon the fire
And start again
Take the story you’ve been sold
The lies that justify the pain
The guilt that weighs upon your soul
And throw ‘em all away
-Toad the Wet Sprocket
Heading into a divorce in 1998, “Coil” was in the CD player of my truck. “Throw it all Away” usually came on around the time I made the transition from I-8 to I-15 on my way home from Coronado to Tierrasanta.
Driving has always been when I do my best thinking. And I wondered how I found myself where I was.
I was working for the admiral, one of twelve who ran Battle Groups. They are called Strike Groups now. Neither here nor there.
You know how you make decisions without completely understanding the implications of those decisions?
I did that at 22. I got married to a woman who is the mother of my children. She was a dancer - not just any dancer, she was on the A-list. She was Korean. At the time I was so lost and alone I probably would have hitched my wagon to anything that had come along. But the prettiest girl? I was done before she ever called me.
I thought, wrongly I could fix it in my next relationship. Yep. I was wrong again.
My relationship with Audrey would probably have ended badly, but I can fanaticize. We never got through that initial infatuation stage. But in six months we only had a single disagreement, and that was over when we were going to brunch on a Sunday - and I misunderstood when she could be available. I will always ache that had things been different she might have been the mother of my children. In the grand scheme of things…
With the time I waste on the life I never had
I could’ve turned myself into a better man
There is nothing you can buy
And there is nothing you can save
To fill the hole inside your heart
So throw it all away
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