Tummy Troubles: It's bigger than I want it to be...but that's ok in Feeling like Sybil

Today it seems like every article I come across is talking about being fat. But not in a bad way. Articles telling us it’s ok to be bigger than the models we see in the ads.
Go Ahead and Stare at My Tummy

Articles like this one that show we are not alone.. that even famous people, the “pretty people”, have done what is natural and decided to eat, and have gotten bigger.
To All the Mamas Still Trying to Lose that Baby Weight
(I think after 16 years I can give up on that!)

And even one woman stating what I’ve wanted to for years… that anyone over 20 should just give it up and realize they are too old to try and look like a teenager anymore!
Should Women over 20 Wear a Bikini?

Now I have always been bigger. Bigger than my friends in high school by 20 lbs or so. Never seen in a bikini. Not the cheerleader. Not the pretty girl. Always second fiddle. Same for college. I got use to it.
Oh I had boyfriends. I was one of those girls with a “great personality”. But when I’d go out with my friends to parties or social gatherings, I was never the one chosen first by the boys. I was the leftovers. And I still had fun.

And as time went by, like most people do, I put on some weight. Three babies and 25 years later, I am quite a bit heavier than my college years. There’s quite a bit more to me than I’d like there to be.
But it’s still ok.
I’m ok with who I am.
But in my mind I am a size 4…or maybe a 6, and I feel good

about myself, until I look in a full length dressing room

mirror or catch my reflection in a store window. I don’t

recognize that obese lady looking back at me. That cant be

what I look like! That can’t be me. I’m not that big. I know, I

know.. my jean size and 2X tags in my shirts would

contradict me could they speak, but I don’t FEEL that big.

And then, for a little while, I worry what others think of me

when they see me. Start worrying that maybe

I’m not as fabulous as I think I am. Maybe I’m the fat

mom that my children’s friends all laugh at as my big booty

walks away from them. But then I get home and get busy

and my husband reminds me how beautiful I am…big

thighs/big boobs and all.

Now, I don’t begrudge anyone the right to try and look the best they can. I’m not shaming those who work out and diet in an attempt to be that size 0 or 2.. if that’s what it’s going to take to make you happy.
We definitely need to take care of ourselves and eat right and exercise for better health, so that no matter what size we are, we feel good and can do everything we want to with no limitations.

I’m just saying that it’s ok to be chunky. To eat pizza and tacos and chocolate cake. If you are a good person, a nice person, a respectful person, then others will like you no matter what size you are. And those that love you will love you no matter what.

At least that’s what I keep telling myself as I try not to glance in the mirrors.