Jess, 05/31/15 in Ryan

We spent the following weekend together, and then on Sunday she asked if I wanted to join her and some of her friends. I didn’t know anyone in her life outside of work so I was happy to meet other people. We were going to meet at a restaurant for dinner and maybe see a movie afterward.

While we were driving there she told me that we didn’t need to hide our relationship in front of her friends. I said OK, not really sure what she was implying. Then she asked if it was fine with me if she told them we are dating. I didn’t answer right away so she kept talking.

She said her friends would all freak out about it and call her a lesbian, but she wanted to get that over with. She knew they would be surprised, but after some friendly teasing, they wouldn’t really care. She said she didn’t want to be in the kind of relationship where we always have to hide our feelings. Then she told me she loved me. Now the second time she had said it. It was starting to feel awkward

I finally answered. I told her that I really just wanted to have sex with her right there at that moment. She hadn’t had sex in a while because of my period and I was bursting with arousal. She laughed and asked if I was looking for a quickie in the car and I said no, I really wanted to go to bed with her and fuck for hours. I meant it, but I also knew there was a part of me that was saying it just to avoid the other conversation.

She suggested we have just dinner with them, skip the movie, and go home for sex. I agreed with that. I was touching her leg and wishing we could just turn around and go back but it would have been weird to cancel dinner at the last minute like that. She told me she loved me again. She had to have noticed I wasn’t saying it back to her, and I wondered why she kept saying it.

We parked at the restaurant and kissed. Before we got out of the car, she said to me, “This is a real relationship, right? This isn’t just about sex for you?” I nodded. She continued, “I’m about to come out of the closet to my friends, and I hope you’re not just using me. I hope you feel the same way about me that I feel about you.”

I said, “I’m not so sure about telling you I love you yet. It’s still so early. But I’m not just fucking around with you.”