For a long time before I moved I can honestly say if I dreamt at all I NEVER remembered them come morning. I’m not sure if that was a by-product of the super high anxiety I had with the upcoming life change, or the fact that I was working 7 days a week plus attending pre-nursing courses at night, or if it was the fact that on average I had about 5 hours per night. I don’t know… but I can tell you that every morning my daughter would ask me “Mummah - what did you dream about last night?” and every morning I came up with the same answer “I don’t think I had any dreams at all”
I’ve been dreaming for a bit now… or at least dreaming where I remember them when I wake up. I’ll be honest, It’s usually about work. How sad is that? You go to work for most of your waking day only to get to bed and dream about it all over again. Believe me - it’s sad!
Lately though my dreams of work are mixed with an ever increasing amount of dreams that I have cervical cancer. That in itself creeps me out! Of all things to dream about it’s specifically one type of cancer. My daughter will say I’m inviting the universe to give me what I always think of. Well, I hope that is a lie. I definitely DON’T want this!
I won’t lie, my body has been doing some pretty strange things. I have been concerned over them which is why I’m overjoyed that I finally have medical coverage to go see a physician here. I go on the 23 of this month. I’ve been two years or a bit more since seeing a physician.
I’m healthy, except for my uterus, which, by the way, is completely for sale (even in its defective state). I don’t have friends here to talk to. My mom as been gone from us for about 3.5 years. I’m definitely not going to tell my stories of my defective uterus to my aunts or the female family here. I do talk to my person back home about it regularly.
She jokes that I’m probably entering menopause, that would be great but… I’m only 42.
Here’s the list that the doctor is going to get:
- my cycles (at this point) are only a week and a half apart.
- the typical run is spot for 4 days, 1 day normal, 3 days ‘gates of hell’, 1 day nothing, 2 days spotting.
- I will spot in between this. Sometimes all by itself, sometimes if I lift something heavy, always if I have vaginal intercourse (that’s the worse actually because I’ll spot right up to my next cycle. Ever had a month or more in sanitary napkins? Beleive me it’s NOT fun).
- I bought a diva cup because I was tired of waking up to murder scenes in the mornings. On the 3 crazy days I wear a sanitary napkin AND the diva cup. .I still leak but thank God its not like a murder scene anymore.
- With said diva cup I can measure how much is actually coming out. The pamphlet says an entire cycle is only 30ml. The internet sites say the entire cycle is only 30 to 50ml. I can tell you with all certianty that my cycle will range from 420ml to over 500ml. That does not seem right at all! This amount does not take into effect the spotting days or the “overflow” that is caught by the sanitary napkins that I still wear because … well… ‘accidents’
- the days leading up to my cycle where I’m spotting I always run a low-grade fever nothing to slow me down just 100 to 101F.
-cramping is nothing to write home about. At this point, I can tell you there are clots but there nothing to be concerned about.
- I’ve started to take iron supplements because I’m sick to death of my body feeling SO very tired.
I hope it’s just menopause. I think I can deal with that knowing that eventually this crazy ride will stop altogether. I hope it hurries if that is the case. It’s already been about a year of this ride (probably a little longer) and I’m ready to get off. Doctor Internet says see a doctor right away as it could be something terrible. It ranges from STDs to growths to POCS to cancer. I guess time and testing will tell me what is really going on. I wish I knew of a good gyno here. I had the BEST one back home.
Which reminds me.. I have to ask my primary physician about how long tubal ligation lasts. My family here is telling me it’s only guaranteed for 5 years. Hell no I don’t want to have any more babies at this point of my life!!
In the end.... why can’t I dream of winning the lottery? It’s HUGE here (like 90million). Grant you all I would need is about 1million to do what I would like to do but still… winning money dreams are far far more favourable than the cancer ones - any day!
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