07-02-2015 in Regular Stuff

Hey everyone. Happy July to all.

Summers seem so short now. When I was a kid, it seemed like summer went on forever. Of course, it always ended too soon but it seemed like by that time we were almost ready to go back to school.

Thanks for your comments on my last entry. It was a very scary ordeal. And even though technically I did nothing wrong, I think that the lifestyle I was living at the time, made me vulnerable to situations like that. Situations that involve the police I mean. I can’t tell you how many times I was pulled over by the cops during that time period. I was very lucky I never went to jail.

I am so glad to be drug free but the trickle down effect of that time, continues even today. For instance, my credit is still somewhat messed up. But what I really hate are how the memories haunt me. The neighborhood I grew up in has become very trendy. The main drag has become filled with little shops, restaurants, a coffee house, ice cream shops, etc. It has a very small town look and feel about it now.

Of course this means home prices have soared. The house my mom and dad bought in 1950 for 10k, is now worth almost half a million! Well closer to 400k than 500, but still. It is just a small brick row house, 2 bedrooms and 1 bath.

I lived there from the time I was born until I was 18 and then back again at 27 when my dad died. My daughter spent a good part of her life growing up there. And now? I can’t even stand to go in the neighborhood. Every street brings back a bad memory. A place where I bought crack or smoked crack. Going by my old house, all I think about are all the drugs I did in that basement. It’s like all the good time memories have been erased. I swear, you could not buy me a house in that neighborhood and that’s the truth.

That’s what I struggle with the most. Getting away from the physical part of addiction was a piece of cake compared to the mental anguish. I still carry a ton of guilt around me like a weight. I should probably start going back to meetings again. I haven’t been in years.

Ok I promise that’s good enough talk about my addiction, at least for a while.

So today started off good. I took my shower about 6:00 because I told my roommate I would give him a ride to work. I went to the bank and got the rent money and then back to the house to pick him up. I decided to stop and put gas in the car. I should point out that this is my daughter’s car. Her new (to her) car whose first payment was today. The gas station was very busy. There was a big gas truck at one end and every pump was occupied.
After he pumped the gas, I started to leave and it happened. C-R-U-N-C-H! Oh God, it was SO loud.

I can’t believe I did it but I did. I hit the pole by the pump and totally screwed up the back passenger door and about 1/4 of the back panel. It is scraped and dented. Words cannot express how horrified I was, and still am. I could not possibly have felt worse at what I had done to her beautiful car. I felt sick to my stomach.

Then I had to come home and tell her! She had the day off so I had to sit and wait an hour and a half for her to get up. She took it well. Much better than I expected. Of course we have insurance but now I have to come up with that pesky deductible. It’s always something where money is concerned. Hopefully the weekend gets better from here.

Happy fourth, everyone!