I met up with an old friend of mine this week. She was always heavy, but I hadn’t seen her in about two years and it seemed like she had gained over 100 pounds in that time. I was admittedly surprised when I saw her. I gave her a hug and she laughed and said, “There’s more of me to hug now.”
It was an interesting comment because it diffused the awkwardness a little bit, but it also invited me to say something about it and I really wasn’t sure what to say. I have a far-from-perfect body myself, and I would never be critical of anyone else’s. But because I couldn’t think of anything else to say, I responded, “That’s a good thing.”
I don’t think she expected a positive reaction, but she seemed really pleased that I said it. The truth is, she didn’t really look bad at all, it was just surprising to see such a difference.
She said, “Oh really? You like my new look? Not all guys are into fat chicks.”
Awkward again. I kind of wanted to not talk about it anymore, but she was being really blunt about it. I said, “You look good!” and I meant it. But I was hoping my minimal response would end that subject.
I was wrong. She said, “I appreciate you saying that. I feel good, despite my being overweight. I don’t think size matters as much as people like to believe.”
I wanted to resist making a size joke, but I couldn’t. I said, “I wish more women felt that way.”
She didn’t realize I was making a joke about my penis size. She said, “You wish more women were accepting of being fat? Me too. Maybe the world would be a better place if there were more guys like you telling us we look good.”
Ugh. This conversation wasn’t going to end. I paid her another compliment. I said, “I mean it. You look great. A person’s beauty has nothing to do with a number on a scale.”
She laughed. She said it sounded as if I had been attending fat acceptance meetings with her. I asked her what she was talking about and she went on to tell me all about the “fat acceptance” movement that she was part of, and wanting people to just be comfortable with their bodies, regardless of size.
I had never heard of this, but I told her honestly that I thought that sounded like a good thing. We’d now talked about nothing but her weight since we’d met up. She kept using the word “fat” but I was avoiding the word because it seemed like an insulting thing to say.
There was a bit of a pause in the conversation and then she said, “All I need now is a guy in my life that feels the way you do.”
I realized at that moment that I was enjoying complimenting her. Something about telling her that I thought she looked great excited me. I said, “Any guy would be lucky to be with you. I find you extremely attractive. More attractive now than when you weighed less.”
I felt embarrassed as soon as the words came out of my mouth. Part of the embarrassment was because I knew I was actually saying the truth.
She and I had been completely platonic friends for many years. We had sex for the first time this week.
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