Long story short, my past has led me to homelessness.
I ran away 3 years ago and ended up living with other family members to survive.
Those family members lied and have deceived me.
I thought I was safe.
Finally out of harms way.
In those 3 years… I suffered a different kind of abuse.
They told me I was fat, dumb, and constantly put me under the pressure that I would end up like my biological mother–someone I would never become.
I would rather die, than to grow up abusing my future children.
“Fat,” they said.
Those words couldn’t be taken back.
It was too late.
Later, I began to watch what I ate.
This led me to become anorexic.
“Dumb,” they shouted.
I have always felt that way.
I had no education after the 5th grade.
Is there such a thing as educational neglect?!
In those 3 years, I have been used, threatened, and degraded because I thought I could do good things and change the world.
Those family members kicked me out because I no longer wanted to be victimized.
“You can’t go to bed until you’ve cleaned the whole house!”
I had school the next day.
I was exhausted.
Finally, they threatened to kick me out.
I said, “Okay. If that’s what you want. I will leave in the mourning”
The next morning I walked into class like nothing had happened.
My teacher calmly said at the break of day on Monday, “Good mourning.”
I broke my silence.
I confessed to my troubles.
Jumping homeless shelter to homeless shelter.
I even slept in my car while it was five degrees outside.
Those family members called police.
My car was in their name for insurance purposes.
I bought that car with my own money.
I had to hand the car over or be charged with stealing.
Now I have no car.
No place to live.
And no family.
Yet this was not rock bottom.
I felt okay because I still had high school to attend.
It took my mind off of my situation.
Until my friend found out about me being homeless.
She demanded that I come to her house to stay.
I couldn’t be a burden.
I was reluctant but after my dual enrolled college class, I went to her home.
It was a new world to me.
This family was so kind.
And without question took me in as their own.
I didn’t think that genuine kindness still existed.
Today, I find myself with a newly “adopted” family.
I am not anorexic anymore because they keep me well fed.
And they’re chocolate lovers at heart.
My one and only weakness.
I attempt to look at myself in the mirror, “I am worth it. I am not alone.”
Because…
of goodness in people.
People like teachers, counselors, friends, my “adopted” family, and a stronger force behind my strength.
Sometimes, I feel misplaced because I belong to no one.
Because I have no one to call mom.
I wish I could have a mom to call everyday on the way to work but I don’t.
It is something I have to deal with.
“Someone else is happy with less than you have.” -Unknown
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