Still Muddling... in Muddling Through As Best I Can

Sorry it’s been a bit since I updated anyone. To say that things have been upside down is something of an understatement.
Bradley and Shea were laid to rest on May 23. It was a beautiful ceremony, though it lasted longer than I had anticipated; I didn’t take into account the double ceremony would take so much longer than a regular service.
It became a bit upsetting because the media showed up. This accident has garnered some national news attention.
The girls’ grandmother has filed for sole custody of both girls, our first mediation was yesterday and it ended in an impasse. A few good things came out of it though.
As a result of the three way battle, we met with Sienna’s biological father and his family. It seems his past may have been exaggerated. He has passed three five panel drug screens with flying colors, has NO criminal history, and his family are some fairly outstanding people. Jesus is married and expecting another daughter at any time. He does want custody, but as of yesterday signed a binding agreement giving us shared custodial rights. It isn’t what I hoped for, but Sienna will be within three minutes of home and her sister when she is with him.
Pamala (the grandmother) on the other hand, said she will accept nothing less than full custody and a termination of everyone elses’ rights to the girls. Even the mediator told her that won’t happen, and that she has no hope of winning custody of either girl, much less sole custody.
Pamala came over for her scheduled visit with the girls last week Tuesday and never brought them back. She has had them secreted in a motel room all this time, but doesn’t know that I am aware of her location. Forgive me, but I got a little vengeful and began my own work. Don’t make a former police officer angry. Within an hour or two I had her location, her complete history, and that of her husband.
Pamala has no criminal history, and it seems I was wrong about the seven husbands; She has had nine. Two died and I looked in the wrong area for them for a little bit. However, she has had 23 different residences in seven different states in the last seven years, and has been living out of an RV a good portion of that time. Her current residence in South Dakota is a two bedroom apartment above a delicatessen in a very seedy part of town. I obtained photos of both the inside and outside of her apartment by contacting her landlord. In a fit of pique I sent her a photo of her living room and recommended that she purchase new furniture; hers is looking a bit ratty. Petty I know, but I’m blaming it on stress.
Rodney, her husband, was a gold mine of useful information. He has several hits on his criminal record, among them: 2 counts of aggravated assault, possession of illegal narcotics with intent to distribute, illegal weapons charges, public intoxication, driving while intoxicated, evading arrest, violation of probation, violation of parole, two bond forfeitures, a year in a state penitentiary, as well as a bankruptcy and a lein against property he owns in Tenessee (This is what she wants to be a grandfather to my girls?). In addition he has two ex-wives looking for him for back child support. They both now have his current whereabouts and telephone number.
Yes, I can be petty. Don’t try to hurt my family and we’ll be fine.
Pamala had no idea we had all this information gathered when we walked into mediation. Our attorney was positively giddy.
The upshot is Pamala left in tears, refusing to come to an out of court agreement, but is ordered to bring the children to court tomorrow and return custody to us until permanent conservatorship is decided. The mediator stated outright to her that her emotional and financial instability, age, and her husband make it impossible for her to win the case, but she is determined to try.
For myself, I am angry that she is acting as she is. Had she been reasonable we could have done shared custody as we are doing with Jesus, but she is determined to have them to herself and keep everyone else away. She has issues.
We should have been able to bury our children and grieve, but instead we have this mess.
The media attention is also a little wearying. I have been asked to do four or five more television interviews, which I have so far declined. MADD ( Mothers against Drunk Driving) has asked to meet with me to discuss becoming one of their spokespersons, but I’m not ready for that yet. I can type coherently, but I don’t trust myself to speak to people yet.
The community has set up a benefit for this coming Saturday and has been selling tickets to raise money and establish a college fund for both girls. So far they’ve sold about 2000 tickets. It’s a little overwhelming the response our area has shown in their zeal to help.
In the end, I believe after much prayer and reflection that I am acting in the best interests of the girls, and trying to see that they are taken care of as their parents would have wanted.
I know this was quite a long post, but it’s been a bit and this is one of the first days I’ve felt that I could set it down in print and be coherent. I hope you’ll all forgive an old man’s rambling.

Last updated June 10, 2015