Cross Pollination in Thoughts On...

As I mentioned in my last post, I have recently begun watching Days of Our Lives, but what I didn’t say is that I am not watching all four daytime dramas because regular television sucks that bad. It’s pretty easy to catch up on the soap story lines. And what you don’t know you can use a variety of sites to fill in the blanks. And what you find out is that soap opera land is very incestuous (yes it is a word, according to Michael Carrington).

Let’s me present an example from each daytime drama.

The Bold & the Beautiful
Televisions only remaining half hour daytime drama packs a lot into its episodes. Let’s examine Ridge Forrester. He was a playboy from day one, but let’s look at two of his relationships; First there was Brooke Logan who was with/married to his father* Eric. They knocked boots, there was some bodily fluid swapage, for a while he was in contention to be Rick the Dick’s dad, but alas it was Eric whose sperm won out in the end. Ridge & Brooke have been on and off and on and off more times that the red light at a whore house. Within the last year, Ridge even hooked up with Brooke’s sister Katie and they were set to wed and then something happened, maybe crabs, I am not 100% sure. But then again, Brooke had been with Thorne, Ridge’s brother and then there was some shooting incident and then down the road Brooke and her daughter both I believe hooked up with Ridge’s other brother Nick. Ridge was also in love with Caroline Spencer, and they wed and then she died. Then her sister had a daughter and named her Caroline to confuse the absolute hell out of everyone. Caroline the young was with Ridge’s son Thomas (mothered by Taylor? I think) and then married Rick the Dick, Ridge’s “brother/almost son”. Then Ridge was dumped out of a helicopter by his former brother-in-law and had amnesia and forgot how to draw clothing and so Caroline the young helped him draw. And by helped him draw, I mean use his penis. Rick the Dick was so upset that he shot at them and then got into bed with a transgender model, Myron/Maya. So, Ridge has dipped his paintbrush in his father’s wife, his brothers’ lovers, his multi-times wife’s sister, his dead wife’s niece, his son’s one time paramour and his brother’s wife. So, I would say that he is cross pollinating the Logan|Forrester|Spencer family trees.

The Young & the Restless
There are two families in Genoa City, the Newman’s & the Abbot’s. There is also the Chancellor’s & the black family, whose name escapes me at the moment. The Newman’s & the Abbot’s pretty much hate each other and to show their hate, they swap dna samples a lot. There is not a lot of cross pollination, but still some. For example, recently Kyle, Jack Abbot’s son has been pining for his one-time “sister” and current step-sister Summer. Now Summer is not 21, a fact she just enlightened him to when he bought a very expensive bottle of champagne and bought out the swanky restaurant (for reasons I don’t really understand because she used to skip school a lot and I am pretty sure she is no stranger to alcohol, plus I would think you might want to get a little tipped if your sort-of-brother was going to tell you he wants to place house with you). She is also recently widowed after someone, who I still think is her sort-of brother, killed her husband, who shot the police chief, but somehow got off with probation. And that was after he held her aunt hostage. But that is a totally different problem in soap land. So while Summer & Kyle have not swapped the dna, it is only a matter of time until they do.

Days of Our Lives
As I pointed out in my last thoughts on entry, Days of Our Lives is super gross these days. Will Horton (son of Sami Brady & Lucas Roberts-Horton) is married to Sonny Kiriakis (son of Adrienne Johnson-Kiriakis & Justin Kiriakis). A fact that didn’t sit to well with Adrienne (whether she was in denial about her son’s gayness or that he was marrying the whiney ass Will, escapes me). But she has no problem letting Lucas stick it to her while she is still married and probably while she is actually old enough to be Lucas’ mom. Example two: John Black, father of Brady Black, was with Kristin, who is a fucking nut job. She hooked up with Brady and then drugged & raped his step-brother Eric the priest. She also took Brady & Theresa’s fetus out of Theresa and put it into her own baby oven & gave birth to baby ChristopherTate. So, yeah. Oh and she also almost married her “brother”. So, um, gross.

General Hospital
Kiki slept with Morgan, who slept with Ava, who is Kiki’s mom, who killed his father Sonny’s lover, then witnessed Sonny kill his son Michael’s bio-pop, kept it a secret, then on the day of the funeral of Mikey’s daddy, porked Sonny in the crypt. Then they didn’t know who put the yeast in Ava’s bun (it was Sonny’s sludge by the way). Oh and Kiki slept with Mikey, Morgan’s brother too. And Sonny’s lover? Connie? Yeah her cousin Olivia is mother to Sonny’s son Dante. And Sonny is also father to his niece’s sister. And his best friend’s widow? Yeah, he fathered her still-born baby. And at one time he also boned his son Michael’s bio-pop’s adopted sister.

Soaps have nothing on 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon. You barely need four degrees to connect everyone!

If the mutant DNA doesn’t kill the trees in these towns, STDs surely will.