Very early in Regular Stuff

My twisted sleep pattern continues. I just can’t seem to turn it around. I’m up almost all night, every night. Then around 10:00 a.m. I go to sleep, anywhere between 3 - 6 hours. And yes, I have tried staying up all day, doesn’t help. And then , there are days where I can’t sleep enough. Where I feel like I will die if I don’t go to sleep immediately. I’m serious! It’s different from feeling lazy. It’s an intense need for sleep, right away. I believe it is connected to my diabetes.

Considering I have no deadlines to meet, no one to report to, I guess it’s not that big of a deal. I wish I did have some deadlines. I think boredom is one of my biggest problems.

Social Security has a wonderful program called Ticket to Work. It’s an opportunity to work and make a certain amount of money without it affecting your disability check. There’s a lot more to it but that’s the gist of it.

Because of my condition, my weight and my lung disease, I am not able to work outside the home. I am also on oxygen 24/7. There are some work at home programs that I really thought would be perfect me. I still have awesome administrative and customer service skills :)

I took the required classes and all the paperwork. The problem is I don’t have a laptop, a dedicated phone line and phone headpiece. All of these are required. I’m sure I could figure out some way to get the equipment, but another requirement is almost impossible. You have to guarantee a totally quiet work space. Ha! Actaually, that would not be a problem if I was allowed to work only in the daytime. But you have to commit to work anytime, especially nights and weekends. And the daytime shifts are coveted by those with seniority. I did put an ad on Craigslist a few different times, for a virtual assistant, someone to answer phones, type papers, etc. but no responses. Something will happen, I know it will.

Here’s a funny side story: When I was taking the required classes mentioned above, we worked in a virtual classroom. We had to turn on our mics to answer questions and then turn them back off. Well I had just finished answering a question when I, and everyone else, heard one of the other students say - “that bitch gets all the answers!” She realized it immediately and started fumbling an apology, the instructor didn’t seem to know what to say. He just very sternly reminded us to turn our mics off if it wasn’t our turn to speak. It did piss me off a little bit, but I also found it funny. She made an ass of herself and everyone knew it. And yeah, this ‘bitch’ does get all the answers haha.

I got some really nice comments on my last entry. I appreciate them very much.

The last few days have been pretty good. My emotions have been on a more even keel. I’ve been forcing myself to do things I don’t want to do. Like going and sitting outside on the patio. Because believe me, when things are bad in my head, I could stay in my room forever.

Well I thing I will end this entry. Keep it light. I have plenty of heavy ones in my head that ill save for later. Thanks for reading.