Moving Again? in Coping

As of right now I have plans to move again. A few days after Christmas I plan to move back to Alabama. My heart just isn't here in New York. Somewhere in the years of living in the south my heart apparently decided that's where home was. I would have never dreamed of that happening. I have always thought that NY was home, but it's not. I'm just not happy here. Of course, maybe if I was in my own place it might be different, but I just don't see that happening. Things here just aren't like they are at home in Alabama. Obviously there's the weather. I have figured out rather quickly that I am no longer cut out for the cold. I absolutely despise it. When I told my mom that, her reply was "Mary! You were raised in this! ". Well, maybe, but I spent twenty years here in NY and twenty eight years in the south. I think those twenty eight years are prevailing and winning over because I absolutely cannot stand this. I am cold ALL the time. I wear a zip up sweatshirt over my shirt all day long as well as two pair of socks. I have had flannel sheets on my bed since the second week in October as well as an electric mattress pad AND winter blankets. I just cannot get warm. Then there's the hustle and bustle of the lifestyle here. Beth keeps telling me that once I get in my own place things will be in MY time, but it really won't. Life is just faster up here. Things in the south are slower paced, easier going and I love that. I remember when I first moved down there thinking "OMG! What is it with these people" and now I'm just like them. I like to do things when I want to do them, well with the exception of appointments of course. Here, it seems like people want you to do things the way THEY want them done and WHEN they want them done which is always YESTERDAY. I don't know- it's just totally different. Alabama is just a much easier going place to live and I love that about it. And of course there are my family there and friends. Yes, I have family here and I will miss them. BUT, by returning to Alabama and keeping my house I can afford to come back and visit here at least twice a year. If I stay up here and rent an apartment there won't be any visits back to Alabama. There just won't be any money for it. The cost of living is too high here. That means I won't get to see my nieces and nephews there at all. They'll grow up without me knowing them anymore. I'm so close to these kids and I Don't want that to happen. The cost of living here..... that's another thing. I do not want to live fist to mouth and I know that's not what Elton would want for me either. The last ten years of our marriage was like that. We had to struggle to make ends meet and we were often with little food or we didn't know where the money was coming from to put food on the table. Both of us being on disability and having major health issues was a huge issue and took a big chunk out of our pockets. If I stay here that is exactly how I will be living again. Month to month, paycheck to paycheck. I will have to have rental assistance, food stamps ( if there still are such a thing at that point ), whatever help I can get. Oh, at first I may be OK because I will have the house money once it sells---- ONCE IT SELLS. But with apartment rent what it is up here ( and no, I wouldn't but another house up here they are waaaay to expensive ) it wouldn't take any time to use that money up, not when you are paying for rent, utilities, groceries, etc.. Even if I am very careful it wouldn't take very long. A few years maybe. And then it would be back to scraping up every penny I could get. As I said, I know that's not what Elton would want for me, and it's not really how I want to live again. If I go back to Alabama I can live in my house and live comfortably. I can also afford to come to NY to visit a couple of times a year which sounds so much better then just completely leaving my nieces and nephews in AL.. I don't know. I sort of feel like I'm rambling here now, like I got of track. Anyway, the plan is to move back to Alabama a few days after Christmas. I just hope I don't get stuck in the snow trying to cross the mountains!!!! That is all I need!!! Me driving a Penske with a car hauler on the back, stuck in the snow, in the mountains of Virginia! Yup, I can see it now. OK, why didn't this thing keep my paragraphs? Please tell me it's not going to start acting like Open Diary!!!!!