The madness in The Daily

So much has been going on, i feel the need to take a time out, collect my thoughts, and let all the noise just settle down. The noise is outside, to be sure, but it’s also inside. Inside my mind, there’s a constant battle going on between what to do next and what’s going on now. I hear the fan, the fridge, the keyboard, the creaking of bones, the whizzing by of cars and planes and atmospheric noises coming from outside. I hear the whirring motor of the fan, the buzzing of the computer electronics, the grumbling of my stomach. I small the heat from my computer circuits contrasted with the cold of the air, the smell of a carpet 2 weeks unclean, and the dried sweat of a man that cannot sleep nor keep still for fear of a performance tomorrow.

A performance tomorrow- the thoughts come welling up in his mind like a noon day tide. The cave of his mind is now filled with the salt water of the ocean, unable to find a space for thought to what needs to be done next regarding some of his other duties. He is lost in thought over some of the other things but the other things can wait. He has taken care of those things already, hasn’t he? The question rolls through his mind like souped up Plymouth Prowler with a V8 engine racing the priorities of his 4 cylinder hybrid Prius. He can’t keep up with the demands of such a mind, on high gear to the now versus the problem of what he has to deal with later. Did he take care of music? Did he wash the shirt he will be wearing? Will his figure be good enough to display in public? Will it rain? Will it be cold? How does the weather affect my performance? I don’t think I’ve worked out enough. I ate too much crap. I’m drinking too much sugary drinks. I need to get more protein. I need to do more cardio. I need I need I need

I need to shut up for a second. Or at least my mind does.

I have a 7 page report I need to write on the state of affairs in the world of journalism. I need to talk about the integrity of a journalist in reporting the truth without having any sort of bias and being completely objective. I need to show how the public is more interested in the facts rather than the back and forth between positions when nothing can be really proven either way. The truth of the situation is this: we have a government that is left and right, one way or the other. There is no middle of the fence, and all who sit upon it will be torn to one side or the other at one point in time. The problem with this is that journalists should be interested in investigating the truth of a matter, whatever side of the fence it might land on.

The other problem I have is maintaining an air of academia, when I truly want to sound like myself. Yeah, I can bring up high language and sound like I come from Harvard and some shit like that. But that ain’t me. I’m probably the best one at sounding like I came from the docks, and pissed on some poor drunkard whilst he was passed out on some bench near the pier. I’m the guy that can certainly talk about those experiences with more familiarity than those who were blessed with more suitable environments because of my upbringing. Yes, it was conservative, but I know what the fuck was going on down at the bottom more than the top. I never dealt with the top, and I’m sure that if it came down to it, I would not be accepted by those at the top (if ever I made it there- which I will some day. So we’ll test my hypothesis out soon enough). However, the bottom of the barrel is where you find me and the rocks that I kick around. I’m not the cleanest mind, nor am I the most eloquent. But I’ve got the most heart when it comes to this kind of shit.

What’s left to do then.

Maybe I need to go back. It is possible to write in my style, but still know a great deal about a subject and write about it like it was some sort of grafting into/onto my nature? Can I talk about the professional world of journalism and the unprofessional manner in which it operates in regards to bias and favoritism to certain sides of a political argument while still maintaining the integrity of who I am as a writer, and the style in which I write? It’s hard to imagine myself as purely a writer of academia when these things are almost like the bullshit second nature some of us try to sound like when we’re being funny. We all do a British high society accent, or something like we just came out from the Hampton. but what about the brutish low society, or the shit-talk that straight outta the gutter?

The only thing I can do is pop some ear plugs in and start typing away. I need to start fresh anyway. New source lists, new material, new everything.
Let’s get this going.