I just wanted a taste. Just a hit. I wasn’t chasing the dragon anymore than I would chase a fucking unicorn. It’s a phrase, nothing more; there is no dragon and you can’t catch it.
Three years later I’m on a bare shit stained mattress under a naked fizzing light bulb in a big green building in one of those god awful cities filled with shit like that. Ok, I knew where I was, I mean I know now, I’m writing it, right? I had to get from there to here so I know where there was. The point is that it didn’t matter. It matters now, but how long can now possibly last? Every now I’ve ever been in is gone.
I had this girlfriend. I sold parcels of land for a development that was mostly sketchs and smiling caricatures of people dressed in pastels. I don’t know, the development might have been built, if it was a scam I sure didn’t know about it. The butcher at the grocery store knew me by name. The kid who worked his old mans newsstand held back a couple packs of American Spirits for me; I’d be there every morning at 8. The point is this is now and I have an absence of all that.
There is a broader absence of more important things; it’s the personal things that get you though. It’s the personal mistakes too. I didn’t want a little taste so that I could bring about world peace, lift up a corner of a collapsed economy, restore parity to civil liberities. That one small hit wasn’t for moral civility, fiar housing practice, to feed the hungry. No, I just wanted a day off from all the now past and future but most importantly present. I didn’t want a break for everybody, I didn’t even ask.
So, it’s now, there are three hundred thread count sheets on the mattress, a box springs and a Hollywood frame with slots for head board and foot board if I want them. The lamps all have shades and soft lighting. There may be a green building in the vicinity, but I don’t know where it is or who comes in and out.
I just need a taste. I need the present to fade away down a long corridor. I need the sound of breaking glass and the smell of iron and rust. Just a small hit. Do this for me and I will chase your dragon if that’s what you want, I’ll fuck your dragon and buy it a taco. Please, first a little taste, just a little cotton.
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