So Hard in Coping
- Nov. 17, 2013, 1:08 p.m.
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- Public
This is the first time writing here. Elton has been gone for almost five months now. It hasn't gotten any easier. Sure, there are days when I laugh and have some good times, but then the sadness comes right after. I miss him so very much. Not a day goes by where the lack of his presence isn't felt. His voice, his touch, his laughter, his smile. Just knowing that he isn't there in the other room is so hard. I miss his eyes looking into mine, the sparkle of them smiling at something funny I had said. I miss hearing him next to me when I'm in bed at night, the sound of his even breaths, in and out as he lay there sleeping. I miss his funny little laugh as he recalled stories from his childhood, the crazy things he and his friends had done on dares that only young boys can dream up. So many things that one takes for granted when their spouse is there, day in and day out. We had twenty eight years together, some of them were very hard and some of them were wonderful, but I wouldn't trade one of them. We learned from the tough ones and grew closer because of them. We cherished every day we had together. And even though we did that it wasn't enough. I wanted more. I WANT more. I know life isn't fair, but his was taken way too early. Diabetes is a cruel disease and 58 is way too young to die.
*Mrs_Bolen* ⋅ November 17, 2013
I agree 58 is too young. I am sorry you are still feeling so much pain. I'm afraid it will never go away. Just have to take each day as it comes. I'll post more makenzie to make you smile.
~Harmonie~ *Mrs_Bolen* ⋅ November 17, 2013
Please DO post more Mackenzie pics!!! She ALWAYS makes me smile!
Deleted user ⋅ November 17, 2013
You are so right. Much too young. * sigh * I am so glad to see you here. I miss you. * gentle hugs *
Deleted user ⋅ November 17, 2013
So glad you're here sweetie. I'm sorry that there is still so much pain. I can't even venture to guess what this must feel like. I can only hope for you that peace comes eventually and that you can have more smiles and less tears. Love you.
~Harmonie~ Deleted user ⋅ November 17, 2013
I hope the peace comes sooner than later. Not sure how much more I can stand. My heart just feels filled with sorrow and heartache and I don't like that feeling one bit. It's hard to think about anything but him and him not being here at this point. this makes it hard to concentrate on anything else that I may be trying to do. Right now I absolutely hate my life. I hate trying to life my life without him.
Silent Echo/Quiet Storm ⋅ November 17, 2013
yes, 58 is way too young to die. raymond was 58 when he died 5 years ago. it's not easy to lose the love of your life that young. it seems so wrong that the world no longer has such a wonderful person in it. the loss can be devastating. the first year is the hardest. i went to a psychologist after my son died and she told me that the first year is the hardest. that during that first year, the loss is about the only thing you see in front of your face. as time passes, the loss isn't the biggest thing in front of you. you get a bit of room on each side and you're able to see around it. it never goes away but you can see more and more on the sides and around it as time passes. i wish i could say or do something that would help you adjust to his loss. but, i know from experience that there's nothing anyone can say or do. it's something you have to do on your own in your own time. prayers for you. take care,
Tazmo ⋅ January 24, 2015
I love you sis. I am here for you always.