Happy dance. in 2013

I keep saying this to myself, and everytime I do, it's a reminder of how a life Aaron and I started crafting in 1989 has really evolved into something that we REALLY feel is what we set out to do. But: there's this: * I've never been happier in my life.*

It's a profound statement, but it's* TRUE. * that's what's so crazy about it.

Sure, there are moments of sheer pain and "whatthehell/fuckarewedoing"-ness; but mostly we are happy, and living in the present moment as much as we can vs. trying to always thinkofthewhatif.

I am home with Joaquin. No Aaron (he's in NY), and no 'Gigi' (I turned down her offer to stay with me because I wanted to have JRB all to myself, selfishly)

It's kind of awesome. Nay, it is 100% awesome.

I should be going to sleep now, because early the dawn comes and the baby wakes. But I MUST write. for fear that the moments; they vanish.

Interestingly. Joaquin is rounding the corner towards 15 months ... and... I'm still breastfeeding him 2x per day. Once at night, and once in the morning. I NEVER thought I would be BF'ing this long. My original goal was 9 months; then 1 year; then 14 months.. and here we are. It's so weird.. I know I can stop without any issues. I dropped the morning feeding for a few weeks for the heck of it and it was not hard at all. But then I added it back in because it was just EASIER then feeding him milk in the morning (bottle, warming, etc.). I'm lazy, what can I say!?

Also, I hear that hormones go crazy when you stop, and this FRIGHTENS ME.

Anyway, it's nbd, but it surprises me, and what's even weirder is that I have no plan for when I want to stop. I kind of want Joaquin to tell me.

Work has been KICKING MY ASS lately. I just returned from three days in NY/NJ yesterday and I was worthless as a human being (not to mention a mama) because I was SO EXHAUSTED. But I had to rally for the boy, and so I did. It's amazing how/where you can find energy when a baby human's livelihood is at stake.

The project I'm working on right now is for luxury vehicles. So, we're talking to lots of people who are very.. financially secure. It's cool, but also exhausting listening to these people talk about their "problems" in life... but it's a great project, an interesting client and lots of $$$ coming down the pipeline so I can continue to indavertantly spoil my child with toys he only plays with once. (not really) (really).

In exciting, upcoming news: We are going to Pearl Jam in a week from tonight. THIS IS SO EXCITING IN THE WORLD OF ME. :deep breath:

Then, a few days later, my sister-in-law and 2 awesome nieces are coming out to celebrate T-day with us. Our first official holiday in the new house.

Then, I'm back in the field, but Aaron will be joining me in Dallas, which is awesome, but... not. we originally made a plan to be in NY together, but we switched and now I kind of regret that decision. But oh well. We'll rock Dallas, don't you worry.

It will be interesting though, b/c Gigi will be with Joaquin from Dec 5-9... that's a long-ass trip. I'm already dreading being away from the boy, but like I told her today --- it's pretty awesome to have a MIL that can watch our guy for days, and we don't worry about him.

We just worry about US and how much WE miss him.

Have I mentioned how awesome he is?

He is. He is loved by so many. I'm humbled by the awesome creature we created b/c it reminds me EVERY SINGLE DAY to be more humble, more engaged, more present, more silly, more aware.

I just think that it took me 37 years to acheive this ilfe and I'm so HAPPY I did it the way I did it. It's been hard, it's been fun, it's been rewarding, it's been humbling.

But I love it. I'm a MOM. I'm a WIFE. I'm a SMALL BUSINESS OWNER. I'm still friends with people I went to high school and college with, and they continue to inspire me every.single.day. I have amazing friends that I've made since my move to CA, and they also inspire and challenge me every day.

So this: I've had some wine and I'm over-tired. but this life. I love. and youse guys. I love you too.