I really haven't written anything lately. in Give Me Mercy and a Minute now. I'm a bleed a little poison out.

So I suppose I should update you all at least a little bit right? Well for starters....I’m not dead. So there’s that. I don’t particularly know where to start.

Work has been....odd. I suppose. A new HR lady was hired, and she’s not bright. A stickler over stupid shit and doesn’t grasp how to delegate in a larger store than the one she was at before. I can’t remember what all I told you all last time, or even if the last time I wrote she was around. But she doesn’t know what she’s doing. She also changed my scheduling. I used to constantly work mornings because that was the only time to really do the responsibilities of my position. I constantly have 40+ hours of work to do in a week, and on top of that I was already well behind of where my section should be due to the fact that the person before me was unable to do everything so he picked and chose what he did. Thus things that I find far more important are wwaaaay behind and I have been playing catch up since I got this position. Anyway, she changed my schedule and lately I have been working more closing shifts than opening....and shocker....my section has gone to shit because of it. I talked to a few people, and what not and it may be going back to how it was. I should be working mornings from now on. Maybe a close here or there. I may have to talk to someone again. But during my annual review I got the chance to raise my concerns over the schedule. My immediate team lead is moving to another department, so basically I am the only real consumables person at the moment. Or …on the 22nd rather. Anyway, I am most likely getting back to my real schedule and hopefully I can get caught up....It’ll take time, but I can. Bright side…I think I may have gotten the highest annual pay increase. Woo. It was substantial enough for my team lead to be like don’t tell anyone you got this. lol

Family and what not....still a heaping pile of shit. Lately I have opted to just say ‘I had better not speak’ Because I know damn well I will go off and everybody in my path will get an ear full.

I really do not want to write this next part, but it’s rather mind consuming at times.

So I am sure that I haven’t updated you on…Her lately. Well last month I ended up messaging her. I had a few drinks and for whatever reason I got it in my head that I should unblock her and message her. I think I figured that I believed that there was more to her and I than just friends, so whatever it was it deserved at least an attempt. I mean…the last time before this she said how I never messaged her either and to an extent she was right so, I should make an effort right? At least once. So I did. Anyway, last month I messaged her and we talked a little bit. She told me a few things, nothing all that direct in some instances. But talked about how she’s supposedly been off. I guess that’s the right word. Everything pissing her off. Everyone pissing her off. Etc. etc. But my real question that I wanted to ask at the time was, “Do you really wanna make it a whole year?”
I told her how in just under a month it would be a year without us talking....Actually....2 days from now it’d mark a year.
Her response? Something along the lines of wow thats crazy…I didn’t think I could go that long without talking to you. And then hinted at a lot of shit going down. and her changing/lost track of time.
Anyway something led to me expressing my point of why would I just be warm and open armed when she messaged me before when this shit happened the way it did. Then she gave me some shit about how she can’t have a decent conversation with her best friend or boyfriend because she thinks she’s losing it. She cared alot about me and she didnt know what got into her....and managed to finish this lil paragraph of hers with If I wanna be pissed at her then whatever she understands She’s not gonna kiss ass to make me her best friend again but shes not going to slam the door in my face because out of everyone I was actually there for her. Of course in that paragraph she mentioned how I make it look like she only uses me when she needs something or when shit gets hard for her in my entries and what not, and whatever on that regard. She knows damn well…Nope…not going to look back at whatever we were in this entry. That being said she told me a few things that raised some red flags. Im not gonna say it flat out, but I have a suspicion that her....upstanding citizen of a boyfriend isn’t so....upstanding. If you will.
Regardless....I also asked her if she wanted things to get fixed between us and if she wanted to work on it. She aint done shit. It’s rather pathetic. She’s either completely careless when it comes to me....the person that was always there for her and made her feel better and all this other shit....or she’s absolutely completely full of shit. Haven’t figured out which yet. Anyway I saw her today. Not like face to face, but we stopped at a store on the way home, and she was coming out of a store or that with her bf and I noticed and promptly turned around and messed with my nephew to avoid that confrontation that I know would happen. Oh I guess that kinda pissed me off, because in the 2 times we talked (2 weeks between those times) we talked about her coming by and talking to me in person about it all. Not even a hint of that happening at this point. Whatever. I figure I’ll message her in 2 days with the whole year reminder. Which Ironically would be a week since the last word from her.

I really should just give up and let her go and shit, but after this I would have made my effort to salvage something between her and I....if she chooses to literally not try at all…then so be it…that’s on her. My conscience will be clear and I hopefully will be able to let it all go and move on swiftly.

There’s a few choice lyrics in this song that I quite enjoy. Also…Dead Sara....listen to them…they are great.

King Out.

Oh and Daredevil is GREAT!!

Oh and I cut my hair