That turned into a rant. in A New Beginning to an Old Story.

My mind has been absent. I feel like I woke up brain dead, gos knows how long ago, because I feel like there’s hardly any activity going on up there lately. Which isn’t normal for me at all.

Looking back on it though, since quitting my long term position last March, I think I’ve half-given up. Work has become my entire life. I’ve been working out of town, with people I barely know. A bunch of rig pig males, so its not like friends come easy. So I’ve resorted to shutting my mouth, staying quiet, getting my work done and keeping to myself. Which, for a person like me, that takes a massive toll. A year of being that way… Its becoming normal. I’m becoming an antisocial mute.

Also, by moving into the new house, I’m beginning to resent it hard. It costs a fortune per month, a fortune that I have to pay. So realistically, I’m out of town working, sacrificing myself to pay for a house/lifestyle that I don’t even get to enjoy or take part in. My boyfriend and his brother do. So when I go home for days off, which I spend doing school.work and cleaning, paying bills and stressing out, it takes an even bigger toll.

Don’t get me wrong, my bf helps out, its just he’s in the middle of building his career. Which is expensive and stressful, we’ve had to make some sacrifices in order for it to happen. Again, I put everything else before my own self. Which is my own fault, I’m sure he doesn’t even notice it because I can be pushy about it. In a sense I guess I can be easy to take advantage of without knowing it to those I love.

Been working out of town for a year, almost tripled my salary, yet I haven’t paid off my debt. Spent thousands on this house I don’t live in, spent thousands at Christmas, spent thousands on tools for him, yet haven’t paid off my $4,000 debt.

I need to get out of this rut.