Ohh to be someone else I think in A Series of Events

I haven’t posted in for ever. Mostly cause no computer and lack of wanting to post. But I just feel no release anymore. I was getting it from my bff, Kira. We have gotten so close is truly awesome. I feel so hopeless. I’m so tired of feeling like everything I try Dosent measure up. My phone was stolen and that was the catalysts really. I’m working hard to find it but it’s just like spinning wheels. And other things are happening and I should be over the moon but I’m not. I should be doing this and that instead I’m wallowing in pity. Like I’m actually sad over a guy who I went on a date with one time hasn’t text me. Normally I just forget about him and move on. It just adds up to my already you didn’t measure up cause you didn’t put out. And I’m like of course I didn’t I’m not that easy,.... I want a real connection or none at all. So why should I care. Just cause he was funny? And? Ugh so many things I need to take care of… I just never measure up. My mom’s always there to remind of how much I’m failing or what still needs to be done. Instead of helping with things at hand and quick to ask for help with her problems..mostly money related. Awesome I’m your bank.... That makes me feel better. Being in North Carolina hasn’t been the best but not the worst. I’m ready to start… I want so much more for me too. I know I have kids and I’m working and giving them a good life and working on trying to make it better but I deserve to be happy too. And I’m not.