Welbutrin and a Wedding (Crossposted from OD) in The Daily (2014)

I figured I should give you all an update so you don't think I went and offed myself, har har (terrible joke.) I am doing better. A bit. I just got started on Wellbutrin annnnd adjusting has been /hard/. I have been volleying between extreme anxiety and agitation and being so flat that I can't feel a damned thing. Yesterday I was so foggy that I couldn't form sentences. I haven't been sleeping well at all. Needless to say, I am falling behind in my classes something fierce. But, I am hopeful that I will be able to get extensions. I got one in geomorpology but my instructor was a total dick about it and it triggered a bit of an anxiety episode for me. I don't want to get into it. But it was upsetting. I am not suicidal anymore at all though. I feel good that I am doing something. i am hoping that in the next few days my focus will improve and I will be able to do more than a couple pages of reading a day. Well, I have to be. My assignment is due on Monday and no later.

BUT, good stuff is also happening! My relationship with Dez is pretty much back to normal. I have been trying to put myself out there to see people other than Liz lately and that has helped my mental health.

annnnd, drumroll guys? Liz and I finally started to plan our wedding! We're getting hitched in early October if all goes well, in a small and intimate ceremony and a small cocktail party reception at a local heritage house. check this out: http://vancitybride.com/blog/advice/roedde-house-museum.html this is going to be out location. We are uncertain whether we were going to get married inside or outside. benefits of outside: I have this really adorable vision of serving hot chocolate to everyone before the ceremony starts and having a bunch of blankets for people to cuddle up in during. I think it would be super neat and memorable. Visibility is apparently better too, because there is a gazebo with a raised platform. And I think it would be adorable for photos because it is surrounded by deciduous trees that would be aflame with colour by mid october. indoors: there is a cute room in the house with an upright piano. We have a friend who can play the piano and who would love to play the music for our ceremony! cons: it is quite small and I worry about the ability of people to actually see what is happening and fitting everyone into the room. Plus, no blankets and adorable hot chocolate ;) We are going to go see it on the 22nd to get an actual sense of the place.

My mom has offered to pay for the photographer and my dress, Liz's family has offered to contribute as much as 5000 dollars towards the reception and ceremony and pay for Liz's dresses. Our venue is $200/hr, and I think we won't be renting it for longer than 5 hours, which would be $1000. And it is beautiful already, greatly reducing the cost of decorations. We don't need to pay a music liscencing fee. I think I will just sit down with Liz and maybe Mischa, my friend Katie's DJ boyfriend, if he is willing to go over an ipod playlist that would sound good. The one thing I want to avoid is accidently recreating a highschool dance with our music, as often happens at weddings. But, I think we can manage to put together something good ourselves. I have already had multiple friends offer to help me bake a wedding cake. I have some awesome cooks and bakers among my friends :) And, I already have volunteers to help us with cooking tonnes of yummy vegan finger food for the reception. We are doing an evening cocktail party so we don't need to spend as much on food because we don't need a real entree! We can also bring in our own liquor here, so we are going to get a batch of wine done at a u-brew place because it is super cheap, and then all we have to do is buy some champage and set on a couple of cocktails to have available and get the stuff we need for them. And then just get a few boxes of craft bear and maybe some cheaper brews too. Bam. Then it is just basically a few extra decorations, like candles and maybe some other things and we are done :) Well, except that we do need to get our hands on 40-50 wine glasses and 40-50 champagne flutes and 40-50 smaller glasses for cocktails or non-alcoholic drinks (we are thinking smaller mason jars would be a cheap and cute option). But we figure it might be possible to find these at the thrift store and dollar for pretty cheap and collect them over the next year. Maybe chalkboard paint the base of the wine glasses so people can mark them as their and then take them home as favours at the end of the night. Shouldn't be too bad :)

Our dresses will be cheap too. I am aiming for this dress: http://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/ethereal-girl-dress (which I need to get on my mom to buy asap because I am a size 12 UK and it is selling out!), and Liz is aiming for this one: http://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/love-you-ivory-day-dress. I messaged them about it and they said it is coming back in stock in about a month :)

We are both really excited. I mean, I think I have been obsessing about it a bit too much the last couple weeks. But part of that is just that I've been so depressed and anxious and planning the perfect wedding seems to be a really good outlet.

What do you think so far? Would this sound like a fun to attend wedding? I really want people to have fun. I don't want it to be one of those dry boring weddings that everyone loathes haha but, we do have a reputation for throwing pretty awesome parties at our house, so with these kinds of resources I feel like we should be able to do good ;)

Hmm, THE ONLY PROBLEM, is that Liz's sister is getting hitched in the summer and there is a possibility of her being a princess if we get married so soon after. And we can't even talk to her about it because she is still refusing to talk to Liz. Also it is unlikely that Liz's england family will come out for both. They will likely come for Ems wedding but not ours. But, Liz said she doesn't care- it just means getting to invite more friends :)

*Edit: So, we were talking about it last night and we think we might end up having to push it back to January or our anniversary in early February. I found out that my mom had figured wedding photography cost no more than $500, and a good photographer is important to us, so we have to make up the difference in cost somewhere. If we have it in January or early February, we can take advantage of offseason rates from most photographers. We're currently talking to two and trying to negotiate them down by choosing off season dates, increasing the time between the wedding and when we get the photos, decreasing the amount of time they will shoot for, removing perks like engagement shoots that we don't need, and so on. We're hoping that if we can negotiate the price down enough, that Liz's parent's money will cover most of it. It means we will probably have to save a bit more than we were hoping to have to, but it should be doable if we are smart with our money and stop making frivolous purchases, like snacks, and plan our meals better so that we can pack lunches every day.

I have sort of mixed feelings about this spending thing. Because, on one hand, it's like, shouldn't that money be going towards Liz's medical expenses? Is this really a good path to be taking when we have so little money to dedicate to her transition already? On the other hand, we've spent the last 2 years focusing all our extra energy on that. Liz says she wants this. That after working so hard for so long, we should be able to justify spending on us, on something we have wanted for so many years. I certainly know that I want it. We've been engaged 4 years, planning little bits of our wedding in bedroom conversations and walks in the park. We had so many plans when Liz came out, and they all got put on hold for her transition. Now she is feeling better about herself, more comfortable in her skin, and the time just /feels/ right, you know? I just always have this guilty feeling about spending money. Like school and her medical costs are the only places where our money should be going. But I have to get over this eventually right? Oh, and I ordered the dress, because it was almost out of stock :)