This week.... Wow.
A lot has happened. I’ve learned a lot, cried a lot, felt abandoned, alone, suffocated, terrified, helpless, and shameful. I made a lot of difficult choices that have both hurt and given me a sense of freedom. I lost some very important people in my life. And although the way it started was agonizing, I know that it was the right choice and that all parties are going to be better off because of it.
At first I was angry. I was so mad. I put the blame on myself, on them, on everyone I could possibly think of as to why it didn’t work out. Why I wasn’t able to keep it together. I played the Victim. I was the victim. But between talking to some great people at work (I work on a psych unit so I have therapists at my fingertips) and reading a really great book, I discovered so important truths about myself and the situation.
It doesn’t matter whose “fault” it is. And it doesn’t matter whose to blame. The important thing in all of this is that the relationships, for whatever reason, were no longer working. We tried to make them work, either through ignoring them completely or angrily expressing how we felt, but it was pointless because at the root of it all, we were no longer compatible. I know that for myself, personally, I have a lot of spiritual growing to do. I have a lot to look at within myself to focus on not only nurturing my soul and my body, but also how I approach situations in my life. Conflict is a big gray area for me because growing up, it was how you were heard. I had to yell and fight to make myself known and I’ve carried that into adulthood. I hope that through therapy, meditation, and introspection I can work on transforming myself into a whole person. A better person. A person worthy of friendship and love.
There are a lot of forces in nature right now. The super new moon solar eclipse, The Spring Equinox, and the transition of the Moon in Pisces to Aries. This is a time of growth, transition, and letting go.
Ultimately, this is a profound time for new beginnings, for letting go of what no longer serves us, and for embarking on new and exciting journeys in uncharted territory. This may be exactly the moment you have been looking for in your life! Still, it is natural to feel some fear or trepidation as you release the past and expand into the unknown. Just remember to keep an open heart and an open mind, and welcome in whatever arrives, especially if it is unexpected. This could be an auspicious time for relocating or moving, a new job, pursuing a new hobby or forming new relationships.
Let go with grace… Be prepared to say goodbye, and to release the people/beliefs/situations in your life that no longer serve you. It might be painful, it might be scary, or it might be liberating depending on your attitude and circumstances. You might have had a really tough week as you shift and release, please trust that things will get better next week!
I have cried more in this week than I have in a long time, and knowing that I am saying goodbye to some people who have made ever-lasting impressions on my life is incredibly hard. I’m not sure what lies on the road ahead, but I do know that this is a necessary step on my personal road to recovery and I am no longer angry. I refuse to place blame any longer on myself or on those around me, because I am in control of my life… and it is up to me how I take care of my relationships.
So, here’s a fresh start. Today, Ostara, the Spring Equinox, I plant a seed of forgiveness and renewal. Of compassion and strength. And I promise to devote this year and every year to helping that seed grow and flourish.
Namaste.
Merry Meet, Merry Part, and Merry Meet Again.
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