My thoughts on Charlie. in My thoughts on Charlie.

A lot of people have come to me about Charlie Trotter's death and said they were sorry and asked how I was feeling. Normally, I always have a lot to say about everything, but I felt like the only sentiment I could feel, speak about or even wrap my head around, was sad. I happened to be online the second the news was announced, and it was like someone had cut open my heart and pulled it out. Crushing news, and completely shocking. Even though I feel like Charlie had lived 15 times in his 54 years and had so many experiences people can only dream of, it was too soon and he still had so much living left to do. His son's wedding one day, more than just a few years with his new wife, the opening of his new restaurant, which I don't doubt he would have done.

I first met Charlie was I was a young 15 year old. I had been attending Kendall Colleges summer camps and when they told us that we were going to have a free dinner at Charlie Trotters I could hardly contain myself. While other kids my age were reading fiction books and gossiping, I was reading restaurant reviews and cookbooks and I was very open about my two heroes, Charlie Trotter and Rich Melman. At our dinner, we were each allowed to ask Chef Trotter ONE question. I raised my hand and said "I want to work here, how do I do it?" He told me to knock on doors, make myself heard, bring pictures of the things I was creating, be persistent and never give up. I took a photo with him that night, and put a sign above it that said "dream" and went to work. A year or so later I wrote a letter to Trotters, telling them I wanted to work for them and letting them know how I had been working towards my dreams and was determined. I also wrote a letter to Rich Melman saying much of the same, and they both got back to me. Rich not only wrote me back, but he had his entire TEAM of people write me and give me tidbits of advice. This was before email was very popular and imagine how incredible it was to see the handwriting of all those people with words of wisdom for me! Chef Trotter's assistant let me know about a project they were working on, Trotter's To Go, and she said I should apply and call the chef that would be running the project. She gave me her number at the restaurant and I called IMMEDIATELY and heard nothing back, so I called again, and again, and again. When I finally got a call she said to me "Kelly I just got into town and listened to my voicemail and had 20 calls from you and only 2 others so, I'd like to have you come down and take this job…." I drove downtown 5 days a week and loved every minute there.

I will never forget the first time I met Chef Trotter, I had been nervous about it since day one and never knew when he would be dropping by. I was washing dishes one day and felt someone looking at me from behind. I kept working and a voice behind me said "I like the way you wash those dishes, it shows me you are a very hard worker even when people aren't watching you. I want to give you some books." I was so nervous and said thanks and scurried away, but he came back later that day with my official copy of The Fountainhead. Over the years I learned that Chef Trotter handed this book out often to people, and I was so glad to be part of that group. After that day Chef Trotter and I would speak often, talking about school and life and him showing me things around the restaurant. He really took me under his wing and made me feel like I was really part of the team, and made me feel like I was valuable.

I left for college and contacted Chef Trotter over a break about doing an internship at the restaurant. He told me he had never had an intern who wasn't working in the kitchen, but welcomed me to be the first and said he would work things out for me and make sure I worked in every position around the restaurant and was taken care of. I walked in and had no idea about what to expect, and I left a completely different person. The restaurant was like nothing I had ever seen or done before, it brought out the best version of my 19 year old self, and it made my body feel like what I felt like what it would be to be the 90 year old version of myself. It was hard and intense and there was so much pressure everyday for excellence, but you wanted it so badly, you wanted every person to walk out of that restaurant with a positive experience. You looked at water on the sink differently and couldn't let a plate with a finger print make it to a guests table. Glasses were set the same way every time and there was a science to how to set a table. You learned from peoples body language and knew when they were getting up and sitting down and learned the anticipation of what they needed and wanted before they formed the words. Chef always said it was like musicians playing together and forming music and it was, we all operated like it was a show, on the top of our game when the lights were dimmed. I saw some beautiful proposals, some very famous people, some crazies, some people with so much money they hardly knew how to spend it, every time of person came through those doors you never knew who would be seated and what their story was.

I always told people that while Chef Trotter was very kind to me and extremely generous, he was also very hard on me and very demanding. He would often have other people deliver the blow about what he was upset about or take me outside to deal the lashings, but I took them in stride and knew he did it because he cared. If my outfit didn't look right or my shoes were too big (that happened, whoops) or when I spilled red wine down a woman's white versace suit (yeeeepppppp) he was there to let me know how he felt, but I always took what he said and improved, there was just no other choice. He would have me give tours to the tons of students he brought in to dine, as he thought I would be able to relate a bit better then some others. He also had me give tours of the restaurant, and yelled at me under his breath when I got too chatty with people or accidentally introduced him while he was tasting food, whoops.

I always felt like I would work for Chef Trotter again at some point, and when I heard his restaurant was closing I felt like the next project he did could be just the thing for me. People were always saying he closed because of finances or that he couldn't keep up, and I knew it wasn't so. I knew he could open one block down and be the best of the best again, and I always told people whatever his reasoning is, was his business and his life. I have always, ALWAYS, defended anything Charlie Trotter said or did, just out of loyalty and belief that he was greater than most people. Sure, he was crazy and I saw him do plenty of things that people would be shocked to hear (who else walks across the floor on their hands in the middle of a dining room?) but he changed so many people. Every single day he was on, and inspiring, and running, and evolving. He always said to me that they day you become comfortable is the day you know you have to change. I never, ever, walked into the restaurant feeling like I knew it all or had the routine down and even if I had been there 10 years, I doubt that would have changed.

I am not a world famous chef, or a icon here in Chicago, but on Monday it was incredible to see all the people supporting Charlie. They all exclaimed how much he would have loved the memorial and how everything was "so Charlie" that day, and I couldn't agree more. All of his biggest fans, his humble students all in one place, trading stories, drinking champagne, waving their hands around just like Charlie would to tell a story, all the while wishing he would stroll in the room one last time.

I want to thank each and every person who reached out to me to express concern and show me a little love while I was trying to sort out my feelings and deal with all the sadness I felt. You all reminded me how often I spoke about Charlie, and how important he was to me. The world lost an amazing talent, teacher and philanthropist, but I am quite certain his memory and all of his lessons will live on. If there is a heaven, Miles Davis and Charlie are having some epic conversations and everyone will be eating much better than they were a week ago. Thanks Chef, for everything.