EXCESS in Adventures From Prison

I’ve never really considered myself to be someone with a lot of willpower. My entire life I’ve struggled with my weight always being told that the reasons my attempts to slim down failed was because I lacked willpower. Another popular explanation was that I lacked self-restraint, unable to stop myself from eating a whole pan of brownies or a gallon of ice cream. Everyone had an explanation. The thing that always puzzled me, however, was that I didn’t do any of those things. I never was someone to eat seconds, thirds or fourths of anything and I rarely ate to extreme excess. As my family can attest, I also have no issue sticking with something once I get in the right mindset. So my confusion and frustration grew. Why did they think these things of me?
It wasn’t until I came to prison that I saw the behaviors they attributed to me in other men. That was when I knew for sure that everyone was wrong about me. Finally getting a confirmation of what I always knew to be true about myself was empowering to me. I wasn’t the lazy, over-eating slob that had been created in my mind by my peers via their “helpful” suggestions and pep talks. I was right and they were wrong.
Everyday I see the men around me illustrate levels of excess I never dreamed possible. I buy a box of cookies and it lasts me a week, my friend buys one as a one-time snack. I make a half bowl of oatmeal; they eat half of the box with peanut butter mixed in. I buy a single ice cream treat a week, they buy 4 or 5. I spend an hour reading and feel guilty for not being productive; they sleep 18 hours a day and bemoan the fact they have to get up at all to go to work.
It even spills over into “healthy” activities. I try my best to exercise a minimum of 30 minutes, 3 times a week. (Usually I get 45-50 minutes in, but things happen which is why I set a minimum. I never go past 90 minutes on the other extreme.) Many guys here exercise about 4 to 6 hours a day. They do this for years, and then wonder why they can barely walk to the bathroom without groaning in pain. By the end of their sentence these guys shuffle, not walk, because of back and joint pain, but damn it they have washboard abs and big muscles (because that’s physical fitness right?) Dumbass.
Coming to the realization that there really wasn’t anything wrong with my eating habits, allowed me to seriously relax. I focused instead on my activities and guess what; I’ve dropped about 50 pounds since arriving in prison 41/2 years ago. I enjoy what I eat and no longer feel guilty about having a few scoops of ice cream on Thursday afternoon or a handful of Vanilla Wafers with my coffee. I go to the gym, exercise at a nice challenging level, and then go about my day. I’m still big, 297 pounds, but a lot of that – about 66% - is muscle and organ weight. I’m still soft around the middle, but no longer have a belly. I know I’m in better shape at 37 than I was at 25 when I weighed 30 pounds lighter. I’ll never drop down below 250, but with a shoulder span of over 50 inches and a height of 6 feet, that’s okay by me. It’s who I am and I’m happy with it.