Happy new year! It's not late... in 2015

So, apparently I just don’t update this anymore. Which is silly, and annoying really because actually, I love having somewhere that I can go back to and look at things that have happened. I won’t have that for the last few years and they’re a pretty big deal really so it’s a shame. This sporadic update entries don’t really do it all justice but I just can’t seem to get the love back. I am here every day, even though I’m not writing and rarely noting. I am still reading. I guess in some ways it feels strange because the only people who read now (if there is anyone at all!) seem to be people I know. So a life update seems silly since they see it all on Facebook. I don’t want my ability to look back at things to be reduced to Timehop though….

So what have I actually been doing? Well, work has been busy. The trial manager left and I took over her role, which is good. It’s more responsibility and a bit more money. More than anything though I don’t feel quite so much like I am completely wasting my career and all the work I put in when I was in Cardiff. It’s still very different from what I was doing there, and it doesn’t feel as exciting or illustrious I suppose, but it is more meaningful in this role than it was when I first came back North. I feel a bit more positive. We are getting a new director of the trials unit soon and I am hoping he will shake things up a bit, in a good way. My career is important to me and I want to progress. I suppose that was a realisation in itself. I’m hoping this new guy will work in a way I’m more familiar with as he’s from a bigger university and hopefully has bigger ideas. We wait and see, but fingers crossed for good things.

There’s been quite a lot of wedding related stuff. We have a hen do planned now, which is exciting. I’m going to Cardiff for the weekend, mostly with the girls from Kent, a couple who are still in Cardiff and 2 from North Wales. There is talk about needing a North Wales based hen too, but honestly I just can’t find the energy to organise anything. I will do something low key though, probably a board game night.
Other than that, wedding wise we have ordered our wedding bands, registered our intent to marry, booked the venue, registrar and a photographer, all day invites have gone out and 90% of the evening invites are made. Still waiting on quite a few replies but it’s only February after all. We’ve made decisions (and purchases!) for centrepieces and I’ve decided what I’m doing for favours, but haven’t bought anything until I have a definitive guest list. I have picked one reading of the two. There was weirdness and not really arguments but… discussion regarding some details about who will give me away and do speeches. Grandad thinks it should be him and I think it should be him and my step-dad. I don’t feel we have resolved that yet. I think we left it that Grandad could do it on his own, but I had managed to make him realise he was being unreasonable, and I still feel like I want both of them. I also don’t want Grandad on the top table, because I don’t want his girlfriend on the top table. He’s sort of ok with that though. It just feels stressful and awkward because we don’t really discuss anything and then all these strange things started coming out, about him not thinking of me as a daughter anyway, and so frankly, why does he want to give me away?! I know the knee-jerk response here is to say that it’s my wedding and that I should have what I want but unfortunately it just isn’t that simple. So that’s been a little difficult, but we’ll get there.

We have booked the honeymoon too. We are going to the Excellence Riviera Cancun

http://www.excellence-resorts.com/caribbean-and-mexico-destinations/excellence-riviera-cancun

I am ridiculously excited about that. We’re flying out on the Wednesday morning, after the wedding on the Saturday, so we will have a couple of days to just soak it all in and then jet off. I am so pleased we’re going somewhere soon after, and that we’re going somewhere relaxed! We talked about New York, or a twin centre holiday and honestly it just filled me with dread. I just want to be able to relax in luxury and be spoilt and enjoy it all after. I’m not saying the other options wouldn’t be enjoyable but for me and my anxieties, it is much easier to know I am going to one place and that’s it. I like to settle in and make myself at home. If I have something else I need to be at then all I focus on is that, and what needs to be ready. It’s infuriating but I can’t seem to help it! So this suits me much better.
It’s the honeymoon that is inspiring me to try and lose some weight at the moment as well. The dress for the wedding fits fine (although a bit snug around the middle so a few pounds lost wouldn’t do me any harm) but I can’t be in a bikini right now! I have been being very good, watching what I eat, cutting down on carbs but being healthy and replacing with good fats and things. I’m going to the gym a few times a week, and roller derby once a week. I haven’t lost a single pound though. I do feel better, but measurements say I haven’t lost anything either. Damn you PCOS. I can’t believe there has been no difference. I have made massive changes. I wasn’t putting on weight before, I was fairly steady, and I have now cut out all mid-week booze, am going to the gym, have cut down on treats at the weekend, I thought that in itself would be enough to see some results, even if they were minimal, but so far nothing. Which is a bit annoying as obviously I will have to step things up and that is getting close to unsustainable for me I’m afraid. I need some treats or I will fall off the wagon in a spectacularly damaging fashion. As part of all this I have cut down on going to roller derby too as I was doing 2/3 sessions a week before. It ties in to my anxieties too, about the pressure of having to be somewhere at a certain time. I don’t like the pressure. I like to be flexible and do what I feel like doing at the time, and because derby is tied to training times, that’s not possible. I think it would be easier if training didn’t take up so much time, but with driving and kitting up/down then it’s a full evening. I leave the house around 6pm and don’t get home until gone 9.30. By the time I’ve had a shower it’ll be 10pm and then I just eat and go to bed. It’s too much! Also, for all of the improvements it has given me to my fitness, it isn’t an effective work out in terms of weight loss, and it leaves me with so little time and energy to do anything else it was actually proving detrimental. It’s much easier to go once a week, then go to the gym 2/3 times a week on top, which takes an hour and a half max, with travel. Much more manageable, and I can go do it at a drop of a hat, not when the training times dictate! Also as the wedding gets closer I’ll have to step back because of the risk of injuring myself. I have been staying out of practice games but we have a friendly game tomorrow which I am going to play in, because I miss it!

Anyway it is fast approaching 4pm and I can legitimately leave work then! Weekend, I can smell you. We’re going to the re-opening of a club that was cool when I was about 14 tonight. Should be utterly hilarious. I think its a caravan park cabaret club now. Who even knows. I love North Wales and its utter ridiculousness.