Men, amiright!?* in A New Beginning to an Old Story.

Warning, this may turn into a rant.

One thing that really pisses me off… When people blame other people for their own emotions.

We had a safety meeting at work and our safety guy was talking about personal choices. How we all have to make our own choices and when things go wrong, accept that it was OUR choice. He told the guys, yes they look out for each other but at the end of the day the only person responsible is you. Which really sank in for some reason. Mostly because I know how easy it is to just shove shit off onto other people, were all human and we all do it. Its easier, and feels better when you’re pissed. Its no fun bitching at ourselves when we can bitch at other people and some how justify that behavior to make ourselves feel better.

Its come to my attention that my boyfriend does this a lot with me in one area in our relationship. He gets upset over something, usually a smallish thing, but let’s it build up until its a huge thing in his head and then let’s it out, usually in the form of a ‘its your fault attitude’. And then when I try to confront him about how if HE is unhappy with something, its because HE doesn’t like it and HE won’t change it, so HE feels pissed. And I tell him to not throw around the blame onto me, especially when just minutes before he says some passive assgressive remark like “its whatever, I need to accept it and let it go”. In the back of my mind, I’ve heard this a million times so why would I actually believe hes going to accept it bit move on from it, and why do I know its going to be brought back up in about 6.3 minutes? Same shit. Every. Time.

Yet whenever I say anything like that, he comes back with the same remark: ” yup, there it is. IM the asshole. IM the bad guy.”

Well… You kind of are ACTING like an asshole. Doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy, or even an asshole. Just acting like a dick in the moment.

The fact its his issue, and he’s always upset over it, and everything is happy and fine until he blows and bitches and starts a negative atmosphere over something so little… And yet IM the one who has an issue? No. Its not my issue to solve. I’m over here happy and having fun, he’s the one pissing himself off.

The thing is… He gets upset because I don’t start “sexy time” while I’m working. I work 10 days straight, in camp, long hours. After work I have school assignments and tests to do. I’m up at 3am to go to the gym to better myself and look hot for him. The ten days I’m up here for work, I’m stressed out, exhausted, my mind is on a million things… I don’t always have the time, energy, or creative energy to start “sexy time”.

Just saying this makes me shake my head. It sounds so silly and yet its become the biggest issue in our relationship.

And yes, the 4 days I’m home, I make sure all my schooling is caught up and I can take a break from the gym so that I have every ounce of energy and time left for HIM. And trust me, I spend a lot of it on HIM. I ask for nothing in return, like. At. All.

I just wish he would understand MY perspective. And instead of chalking it up in his head to ” she hates sex, she’s such a prude, she makes no initiative, she sucks at this”… He realized that I do a lot. It has nothing to do with hating sex or not wanting it. I do. My sex drive is way higher than he even notices.

Fucking men, you guys.

**And this is a rant, I’m frustrated. Yes, I love him more than anything and he IS a great guy who does a lot for me. I’m not even mad, just annoyed.

*Edit: well, now he’s decided he needs space and doesn’t want me talking to him. Honestly, not even sure how or why this is THIS big of a deal.

Last updated February 22, 2015