Just to keep you all in the loop. in You want to stalk something?

Kyle TheKing Heller
Why do you do this shit to me? You’re clearly not coming back and clearly don’t give a rat’s ass. Why do you chime in every few months to just remind me
that you bailed again. Don’t you think it’s hard enough already? Why even mention you saw me? If you have no intention of being in my fucking life, then
why can’t you just leave me be? Shit is hard enough without the constant memory of you nagging at me. I know it means jack shit to you, but we used to
talk all the time. It takes awhile to adjust after you bail. And yet every few months you pop back up and barely say a thing like it’s all okey dokey
and then you’re gone again for a nother few months.And instantly all that progress of getting used to not talking to you takes a drastic hit. Make up
your god damn mind. In like the next 2 months it’ll be a year since you rolled out again. Make up your fucking mind already. I can’t take this popping
up every few months and reminding me of what’s gone. My life is hard enough without that shit. Again I know it doesn’t matter to you, but it fucking
hurts me.

Her
Despite what you say it does bother me.. Didnt realize its been almost a year. Theres been so many things ive wanted to tell you then realize youre not there anymore. You dont think its effected me? Well think again

Kyle TheKing Heller
I dont believe it’s effected you…because IT’S ALMOST BEEN A YEAR

Kyle TheKing Heller
like what reason do i have to trust or believe you

Kyle TheKing Heller
also I’m not there anymore? your choice

Her
Its your choice you’re not here anymore not mine

Kyle TheKing Heller
How you figure that? You rolled out and stopped talking. I told you it was happening again. The only choice I made was to not be the one trying to make amends BC you did this shit again…when I explicitly recall you promising to high heaven and back you weren’t.

Her
Do you ever try to talk to me? No. And if i tried you always had an attitude. Not my problem

Kyle TheKing Heller
Why the fuck would I? After all your big talk about how I mattered and shit and how you claimed that you weren’t doing the whole god damn disappearing bit again? Why would I try. You bet your ass I had an attitude because like 6 months later messaging me at work or commenting about Riley saying “I know I’m the last person you wanna talk to”. That Lil line there is acknowledgement of a reason why I wouldn’t want to talk to you.

Kyle TheKing Heller
You can’t just vanish for 6 months or more and expect me to fucking act like it doesn’t fucking bother me when you message me like its no big deal. Why the fuck would I not have an attitude

Her
I dont want to argue. Its not going to get anywhere

Kyle TheKing Heller
I’m nor arguing I’m proving myself. You want to try and pin this shit on me but you can’t. Way back before you vanished again. If you had seen me you would’ve come see me instead of creeping and mentioning it later. I feel no guilt in regards to you disappearing I just want you to make a decision. Be around and make amends or leave me be. You were important and popping up every 6 months to chime in and remind me doesn’t help

Her
I tried to make ammends before and you shot me down. Whats the point ?

Kyle TheKing Heller
When? When did you try that?
You messaged me at work. I asked what you wanted. Then you say sorry for Riley....both lasted maybe 5 mins
That’s not trying to make amends

Her
Ok

Kyle TheKing Heller
?

So, Idk what’s next. To an extent I get her point....if you can call it that, but give me one reason why I should have messaged her. I told her it was going to happen again. That she was going to do the vanishing act again. I called it. So why would I initiate any form of conversation? Why would I not have an attitude when she would message me with “Hey” as if it never happened. As if she’d talked to me just the other day instead of MONTHS ago. How can she try to pin it on me? I told her it was going to happen. She promised up and down that she wasn’t going anywhere. Here we are....about 2 months away from it being a year now. And she said, “I know I’m the last person you want to talk to”....That is acknowledgment.

What am I supposed to take from “OK” Ok? O fucking K? What the hell am I supposed to say or do or what? Like where do I go from here? That message I sent, probably due to a little liquid courage....was my last bit of effort I had…and it ends in a god damn OK?

My choice not hers? How you figure? Like seriously. How is that my choice. I made it abundantly clear that I didn’t want it to happen again. It did. Why would I chase…again. There is no turning it around on me.

I don’t believe it affected her. If she wanted to tell me something or that, and then realize I am not there anymore....If she wanted to tell me something why didn’t she? It affected her? How many times? 2? or maybe 3? Messaging me only a couple times....those the only times? Every couple of months? woo whoa is me. You tried to make amends? Those couple of times you actually messaged you said maybe a couple things then vanished again. Granted I wasn’t very welcoming but I responded....which is far more than I thought I would do at the time. Why would I be welcoming....you vanished for months on end....and messaged me as if nothing happened....like everything was ok? Of course I would have an attitude about it.

Tried making amends? Every couple months? So many times that you wanted to tell me something or some shit like that? Yet you message me only a few times with months between the times? And when you do message me it lasts a few minutes before you disappear for another few months. You’ll have to forgive me. I’m overwhelmed by the amount of effort you put in to making amends.

Looks more like avoidance than anything else. I think you know you are wrong but have no clue how to even remotely try to justify yourself or apologize or anything along those lines. You seem to not be sorry about it. Or regret it. Or have missed me. Or anything of that nature. Tried making amends....yeah…right.

So all of that…Everything with her. Is it all really ending with a god damn OK?

I do not know what comes next.

Last updated February 08, 2015