Because words are just smoke, and I’m choking, because the fire’s gone out and there’s just ghosts, waiting for the wind to remind them that there’s nothing left.
Because it doesn’t matter, the difference, between the truth and the lie when everything’s ash grey, when the light’s gone out, when they don’t remember what is real anymore.
You told me once when I could not remember, when I had to lie and say that it was you. You told me it was enough, but I didn’t believe you. Enough is not enough, and if lies really served us better then why be real at all?
Dreams are so much sweeter, and I can remember. Remember why I don’t want this.
Remember why I deserve this, because I do. Because I did this and I’m not sorry.
I want you to tell me it’s all right, but I’ll smile with my teeth and spit blood in your face if you don’t, because you can’t stop me, because I’m just waiting for an excuse.
They’re just smoke and I can show them, whatever I may be I’m me all the way through, and when the lies snap like brittle bones there’s nothing left, just meat and it’s animal mind.
And it feels good to stop pretending, it feels good to be an animal again, because I’m still here baby, and I know how to make it hurt. The anger of a wounded animal is nothing to the well-honed edge of hate.
And being human sucks.
This is the way it’s always been, you know, and I don’t mind. Save me, if you want to, if you know how to be human, but who cares if you don’t? Give me something to hate, and I’ll save me all the same.
Let me hate your cowardice, your asinine lives. Let me hate your delusions of grandeur, your feeble masks, all the bullshit you think you’re selling because everyone else is too busy wiping their own asses to care.
Let me hate the way you think you’re fooling anyone with your excuses, because they’re all to scared to tell you how disgusting you are to your face. Let me hate you for hating yourself, because you were too busy worried about what they’d say to be someone you actually fucking liked.
Let me hate you for caring what I think, for caring whether or not I like you, because why should you matter to me if you don’t matter to yourself? If you don’t matter more to yourself than I do, more than anyone does. Because guess what? No one’s going to save you, especially from yourself. The ones who really try will drown with you, and most of them were just pretending, most of them were just using you for themselves, because that’s what people who are drowning do.
Let me hate you for not saving yourself, because it’s your fault. It’s your fault, and I hate you the most for how beautiful you could have been.
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