So Here It Is in Coping
- Feb. 3, 2015, 7:10 p.m.
- |
- Public
I decided to write about what it is that I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write about..... ( LOL ) And I’m sure I’m going to get a lot of lectures and be carefuls and so ons, but here goes.
I have met someone..... on an online dating site...... A Catholic online dating site. And yes, I know that there can still be freaks and all kinds of terrible people on Christian dating sites too. Which is why I am going to be extremely cautious when we meet in person for the first time..... which is going to be next week. We will only meet in public places and he is going to be staying in a motel while he is here.
His name is Richard, he is 52, and he is from Yonkers ( which is about 4 1/2 hours from me ). We’ve been talking, both on line and on the phone for about a month now. He is caring, kind, so sweet, and knows all the right things to say. There in lies the problem. So did Ronnie.
He knows all about Ronnie. He promises me that he is nothing like that. He promises me that he won't treat me like that, that he won't use me, that he won't hurt me, that he understands I'm a little scared and leary now of any relationship with a guy. He says we can take it slowly and go at my pace. And I sit here and think, " Is he too good to be true ?". He promises me I won't get hurt. And, he says that I some point I have to take a chance at love and living life again. And I think about what Elton wanted for me and agree with him. He's right, but I'm so afraid of being hurt. Ronnie did such a number on me, nobody knows how badly I was hurt by him except for my best friend in Alabama. It goes deep guys and I don't know if I could go through that again. But do I let that control me for the rest of my life? How do I not?
And Richard? He makes me laugh.... He makes me smile.... all the time, not just when we are talking. I think about him all the time and he says he does the same. He’s never been married, says that he never found the right person. This I CAN believe as I personally have known people who haven’t found their mate until later in life. My brother didn’t marry until he was 48, my aunt until she was in her mid 50s...... He does have a son who is 14, but is not active in his life, only because the mother took him across country. It wasn’t a good situation.
So yeah, there it is.... I'm happy, so happy but due to Ronnie I'm so afraid it won't last. I'm afraid to fully trust, to let this be what it is, to let Richard completely in to my heart. And THAT, scares me because it may mean that in the end I will lose him, that I will lose a chance at having a loving, happy relationship again, the one thing that Elton wanted the most for me. How could one guy, the wrong one, screw that up so badly for me. Asshole.
OK, how come when I came back to my entry part of it was showing up with blue print in a white box? Almost like a copy and paste box…sort of
Last updated February 03, 2015
Deleted user ⋅ February 03, 2015
You're approaching this well. Personally I think taking it slow is a great idea, just enjoy what IS. Richard may not be the "one", or heck, he might be - just don't put too much pressure on yourself to decide that quickly. I think you're in a really different head space than you were when things went down with Ronnie and that's going to make this different. Easier said than done I know, but try not to let what happened with Ronnie seep into this experience with Richard. Just let it be my friend. I'm super happy to read this and am so glad you're giving it a shot. Have fun and of course...be careful! ;)
~Harmonie~ Deleted user ⋅ February 03, 2015
Thanks Jen. I'm excited, but scared. Like I said, he makes me so happy. And I'm smiling, a different kind of smile, for the first time in a long time.
patrisha ⋅ February 03, 2015
I am glad you are planning on being cautious and take it all slowly!
~Harmonie~ patrisha ⋅ February 03, 2015
Very slowly Patrisha, very slowly.
stargazing ⋅ February 03, 2015
I met my husband on a dating site, and you are doing exactly what I did. We met in public for a few times...I took my own car there...and he would meet me. Just take it slow. Not all guys are jerks like Ronnie; don't put that on Richard. Just take it slow and all should be fine. hugs You so deserve to be happy!
QueenSuzu ⋅ February 03, 2015
What the other noters said and take it slow. You have been thru a lot of major events since Elton has passed with the move alone. Sounds like a very good plan to meet in a public place and just take it slow.
crystal butterfly ⋅ February 03, 2015
If you can take his first and last name and google it. See what shows up. And remember that when you meet someone needs to know where and when. I met my hubby on a dating site. I know several who have. I also met some debatable but I also met some at work and had friends introduce me too. You can pick up a feel.
When you do meet I hope you have a grand time.
Lacrime di Drago ⋅ February 04, 2015
Agreed. . Taking it slow is the key. I met a bunch of douches who were looking for a one night stand on an online dating site. But I also found DH. My Soulmate. The person I can't imagine life without on that same site.
I was in a bad way, honestly, when he and I met. I was jaded... still married to Angry Gnome (wouldn't push for divorce. . I was waiting for him to die. . I think you'll need more later to understand that, but trust me ) and I wasn't getting divorced. I had a whole set of "I will" and "I won't "s. And the biggest problem that we had was that I was insistant on paying for my portion and my kids portion of meals and such. He didn't like that, but it was important to me.
In the end, that's what it came to. It was important to me.
It was important to me to graduate collage. It was important to me to know that me. . All by myself. . Without any help at all. .. could afford to take care of me and my girls It was important to me that I knew him completely. That he wasn't going to turn into an asshole overnight.
Slowly we worked through the things that were important for me. I finally divorced Angry Gnome before graduation. Not because I expected a ring from DH, but because I had worked for that degree so hard and I had done it on my own as a single mother and while working full time and going to school full time plus volunteering time on the weekends to coach kids bowling. I didn't want that SOBs name on my degree. So, I returned to my maiden name in time to graduate. DH didn't push me to be ready for anything. I set the pace for all of it. Well, except the proposal of course. He asked my girls for permission instead of my dad. He figured I "belonged" to them. . So, he needed their blessing.
All I can say is to be careful. Don't go in blindly because this guy talks a good talk. Walk in with your eyes wide open and don't miss one cue. Those douches can hide behind a pretty good talk and smile for a long time before you see their true colors.
And it's ok to protect your heart. Those walls are built for very good reasons. And you deserve someone who is going to give you the time and take the time to tear those walls down brick by brick.
DH is still working on a few of my walls. But he's done a bang up job of getting through the really prevalent ones. These are just pesky little ones that deal more with my low self esteem than with anyone else.
So, be careful, be wary, and take an honest first look at him without all of those emails and talks that you've had. You do not truly know someone until you look into their eyes. The eyes are the link to the soul. They never lie.
Silent Echo/Quiet Storm ⋅ February 04, 2015
you have my prayers for whoever enters your life is a good person and won't hurt you. just take it slow and get to know him. no need to rush. enjoy your time with him. introduce him to your friends, family, see what they think. take care,
thesunnyabyss ⋅ February 04, 2015
I'm so glad you are taking it much slower, but I am more glad you are enjoying this guy,
have fun, can't wait to hear about meeting him,
hugs!!!
middle age pearl ⋅ February 06, 2015