Okay, here I am. On Prosebox. I used to blog on OpenDiary.com, which I loved for over a decade, but it is.. broken now. Sadly. I will miss it like an old friend.
Speaking of, I put my dog, Cecilia, to sleep yesterday. She was 13 and had Laryngeal Paralysis and Cushings Disease. She had a really hard time breathing from time to time, had high levels of anxiety, and would choke/gag frequently, as well as throw up. She has been living at Heather's house for the last, oh, 6 years, but she was MY girl. We shared custody, I took her to the beach with us, brought her camping, to the park, out running or playing, I took her to the vet, had her ears cleaned and got her groomed from time to time, they split expenses most of the time, too. Heather's dad fell in love with her years ago when I first got her, and he said if I ever needed to rehome her, they would be happy to have her. So when I moved into town and couldn't have a dog in my apartment, she stayed with them.
I got her when I was pregnant with Kasin, so I had her for almost 10 years.
She was such a lady, she walked into the exam room at the vet and laid on the blanket and cushion they had out for her, like she knew just what she was supposed to do. It was so awful.The vet tech took her to the back to put the catheter in her leg for administering the "medicine." She looked scared and started panting and didn't want to go with her. I was done for right about then. She didn't want to go. She trusted us. We brought her here, we would take her home afterwards, who was this strange lady? Why was she taking her into the back, away from her mommas?
She came back in and licked her wrapped up leg owwie, the Dr came in and talked about how gorgeous she was and all of her medical issues, and the dangers and complications of the larynx surgery that could possibly correct the paralysis. The Dr gave her a sedative and patted her. Cecilia just lay there the whole time, looking a little sleepy, panting like she does, and letting us all pet her and love on her. Heather and I both had huge drippy droppy tears rolling down our cheeks, and the Dr gave her the pink meds. Celia looked at us, put her head into Heather's hand, and slowly laid her head down on the cushion. She closed her eyes, and we bawled and petted her, and then she was gone. The Dr checked her for a heart beat, told us there was none, and told us we could stay as long as we liked. We sat on the floor and hugged her and kissed her and cried on each other and hugged and cried all over Celia, petting her and smoothing out her curls and stroking her ears.
She was the best dog ever. She watched my baby grow, she put up with him for all of his baby and toddler years, she was his best friend for a long time. She slept with me when I was pregnant, scared, and lonely. She played with me and rolled in the snow with children, stole stuffed animals from neighbors, and was just the best girl, ever. I will miss her so much. I can't imagine another dog ever being as good as Cecilia. Kasin used to ride her like a pony, and she would just look at me like, "is this kid for real?" lol. I loved her so. And she was ADORABLE.
I need a new dog.
Not that I have the time or money for a dog/puppy. The kids really want one too, though.
Milo has drama at daycare, but I don't want to get too far into it right now, he's been making me insane at home, too. He always hits and doesnt listen, he runs around like a lunatic unless he's watching cartoons, he throws things, breaks stuff, ruins everything, everywhere... he's just such a pain. Anyways, the owner of his daycare had a talk with me on Friday because she says he's too " violent and unpredictable." they had decided to start transitioning him to preschool at the beginning of the week, because he's too rough to be around the other toddlers. (The kids are all 18 mo-3 yrs, but I think he was the oldest in there.) However, she says he's still been too aggressive and crazy in the preschool class, and that the other kids are afraid of him, even though they're much bigger than he is. They had told me on Monday and Tuesday that he was being really mean, and we had talked it TO DEATH both nights AND the following mornings, and they told me he was much better Wed and Thursday.
Then on Friday, he threw a toy apple at another child and it scratched her face by her eye. Her parents had a fit about it, apparently. So the owner told me that "we have to do something." and asked if she could bring in some professional behavioral people from Thread and/or emotional/behavioral health experts from AAP to observe him and give them ideas on how to work with him to improve his behavior. I said sure, and then I cried the whole way home.
Honestly, at home, we're kind of scared of him, too! You never know what he's going to do. Sometimes he comes at you and he's holding a toy or something and you cringe and draw back because he might just swing it into your face/head/something. It's scary. He climbs all over people, kneeing and elbowing you in the soft spots, sometimes on purpose, and laughing and clattering around and bonking you and he thinks it's great. It's not great, and we always tell him to stop and say we don't like it, and he just laughs.
He also has a complete freaky break down if he doesnt get exactly what he wants, when he wants it. He doesn't listen at all if you ask him to stop doing something, although if you ask him to do something FOR you, he usually will. If you do something he doesnt like, he will hit you/kick you/spit on you. I can't explain it. We talk to him constantly about being nice, and he can recite the several of these speeches on command, "No hitting back, if my friends hit me, I say, 'TEACHER, HE HIT ME!' and then he gets in trouble." and "We need to have NICE hands, no hitting, no pushing, no grabbing, no shoving, no kicking, NO FIGHTING, NO HURTING!" But he doesn't care and he doesn't do it, even though he knows he should.
At daycare, when he gets in trouble, he immediately runs over to the child he hurt and apologizes. Sometimes he does it like a split second after he hurts them, he KNOWS he isn't supposed to hit, but he does it anyways, and then immediately pets the kid and says "sowwwwy, sowwwy!" At home we put him in time out with his nose in the corner, but I think we've been too inconsistent, because sometimes we just talk to him about behaviors instead. So maybe we'll buckle down on that, as well...
He has a Dr's appointment Monday night to discuss his behavior and possibly get a referral somewhere else for some other kind of behavior intervention or therapy or something, I don't know. I have no idea what to expect. sigh it's so stressful. As if living with him wasn't already such a huge stressor, now I have this to consider, as well. I'm sending a notebook with him to daycare on Monday and I want all the teachers to record any little thing he does so I can show it to the Dr at his appointment that night. Wish us luck.
~ Me
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