I checked my balance left on my car loan (which was about 39 months into the 60 month loan)…
And it was $0.00
I called mom before going to work. She said dad decided to pay off my car and they were going to tell me tonight.
While I am in shock, and grateful beyond belief, I also have this immense feeling of inadequacy. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to pay back my father for all the stuff he has done for me (and Cori) and continues to do. I intended to pay for that car… mom and dad did give me some money for the down payment when I bought it over three years ago (partly as a graduation gift and partly because some of it was from my great aunt Ramona), but it’s been mine and my responsibility since. I’ve so far made payments that equal to about $12,000 on it, originally put $3,000 down (in addition to my parents putting down the same amount in October of 2011) and dad basically just paid off the rest–which is the equivalent of the entire original down payment. So now I feel like the car is 40% my dad’s property, instead of like… 12%.
I know I’m looking a gift horse in the mouth. But when will I ever be able to pay him back ? He’s still helping with our rent, for God’s sake. I hope in like 2 years I can… I don’t know… literally give him a check for $5,000, which would only barely begin to cover what I owe him.
Mom said part of it was still regarding the fact that he feels it was unfair for me to pay for my first 3 semesters of school, and my last class as well (I only had one class my last college semester) when he paid everything for my brother’s college education in 1998-2002, and that’s why he paid off the car and still wants to help us with rent.
All the same… I can’t help but feel this is a debt I can’t repay.
I go to my new gynecologist tomorrow. le sigh I hope I like her. I’ve had like 5 gynecologists in two years. She has my storied health history, regarding endometriosis, rape, abortion, and ovarian cancer. I hid nothing from her (as I’ve done in the past with new doctors). I usually don’t mention the rape or subsequent abortion. This time, for whatever reason, I did.
Good part is that she will probably want to do a 5-year cancer checkup (or send me to an oncologist, more likely). With my early stage cancer, I was originally told I would need to have check-ups for 5 years. Not sure about beyond that. But March will be 5 years.
I may need to talk to her about family planning, too. I’m still not sure I’ll be able to have kids, even if Cori and I are in no shape to start a family for at least 2 years. So I may ask her about my viable options.
Man. The guy upstairs must not have any rugs and must also wear shoes all the time. Luckily he’s rarely home, but when he is, he stomps around like a freaking ogre.
~Rachel
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