Part II in Coping

Sooo… this one will probably be harder for me to write. I spent the week back home, with Ronnie and I talking just about everyday. The plan was for me to head back down there on Friday afternoon and spend the weekend with him again.

Y’all, I was like a schoolgirl with her first crush. I was nervous, excited, happy, scared, unsure....so many emotions all at once. I have to tell you it was the longest trip down their for both Calvin and I. I honestly think that my poor little guy could sense all the things I was feeling as he was very antsy and just would not settle down for the trip.
When we finally got there Ronnie greeted me with this huge hug and an AMAZING kiss. Before I go any further I will tell you that this guy KNOWS what he is doing. OMG!!! And that’s all I’m going to say about that!
Anyway.... we went out for a nice supper and when we got back to his house he asked if I had noticed anything. I looked around and the marriage certificate and the picture of he and Michelle were gone. He said that the certificate was in the other room as he wanted to keep the frame ( it was a nice frame and he did need help to get it out as he is legally blind afterall ) and he threw the picture of he and Michelle out. I was really touched that he had made sure to do this before I came back down there as he knew they made me antsy about being in a relationship with him. Oh darn, I just realized I forgot to mention something else.... when I spent the first weekend with him, he INSISTED on putting gas in my car. He said that I had come out of my way to see him and he wanted to do that for me. He also said that he knew my money situation and that it would help me out if he did that. I felt funny letting him do it, but it made him happy to help so I let him.

Anyway, Friday and Saturday were really nice. We just hung out and talked. At one point Ronnie asked me what I felt Elton would think about our relationship. I stopped and thought for a minute and told him that Elton would be happy. Ronnie asked how I knew that and I replied that before Elton got hospitalized the last time he wanted to have a serious conversation with me. In that talk he told me he wanted me to see other guys, to meet someone, to date, to fall in love, to be happy. So, if Ronnie made me happy, then Elton would be happy.

Sunday, we got up, had breakfast, I got ready to head home and everything is just fine. We say good bye and Ronnie says to me ” Mary, I can’t see you anymore “. I’m standing there like ” What the hell????” So you waited to tell me this until AFTER we had sex this morning????? I had no clue what was going on. He clammed up and refused to talk about it.

I was a mess on the drive home. I felt like he had used me. He got what he wanted and then he dumped me. Something I haven’t mentioned here is a question that he had asked Elton way back when Elton and I were first married. It’s something that was just inappropriate for a preacher and over the years I had just chalked it up to him having been young. But when this happened it just kept popping in to my head that Ronnie finally got his answer. And I couldn’t help but feel that he had bought me for a freaking supper and tank of gas.

Y’all, I am not a prude, but I don’t take sex lightly either. It’s going to be with someone I really care about. Taking that step with Ronnie was really hard for me as Elton was the only man I had ever been with. And let’s face it.... I’m still grieving over him. I cried myself to sleep just the other night. This from Ronnie.... this was a slap in the face. But I didn’t learn the first time. Oh no, I had to be stupid.

When I got home Sunday and had some time to calm myself down I called Ronnie and asked if we could at least talk about things. I told him he at least owed me that much. I asked him what happened, that I thought we were both in the same place. He told me that he felt that he was having an affair with his best friends wife. Ahhh, I understood then. It was one of the feelings I had also had the first time we had made love. I told him that I totally got it, but that I was no longer his best friends wife, but a single woman with wants and needs of her own. By the time the conversation was over things were good and I was planning on going back the next weekend.

Next weekend.... Things were going great except I kept feeling that there was something he was holding back on. Saturday night he told me that he had been invited to preach at one of the little Baptist churches there in Talledega. Well, I had no clue so I hadn’t brought any appropriate clothes for church so I hung out at the house while he went to church. WELLLL, what does a woman usually do when in a guys house if he’s gone....especially if she just doesn’t think things are quite right????? Damn right! I went snooping. First the nightstand on my side of the bed.... a pistol. Why a blind guy needs a pistol is above and beyond me, but this isn’t the first one, this is pistol #2 as there is one by the side of the bed he sleeps on as well. Then to the dresser..... Clothes… not just any clothes....NO..... MICHELLES CLOTHES!!!!! Now tell me this, if they are divorced, why in the hell would she still have a dresser FULL of clothes at his house?????? On to the second dresser..... Ronnies clothes, condoms ( funny, he told me he didn’t have any..... anybody out there beginning to see a pattern of the guys lies here????? ), and yet ANOTHER pistol. Why in the world does a blind guy need THREE pistols????? Ok, so that’s his bedroom. Hmmm.... think I’ll move on to the extra bedroom… you know, the one where THE MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE is supposed to be!

Third bedroom..... A CLOSET FULL OF MICHELLES DRESSES!!!! And lot’s little Marys ( yup, that’s Michelles little girls name- what a coincidence ) toys. And a rifle! What is up with all these freakin guns here???? And the picture he supposedly threw away!!!! What the FREAKING HELL!!!!! OMG I cannot even BEGIN to tell y’all what was running through my mind. I had been played. OMG had I been played. Not just played, I had been used.

When Ronnie got home I stayed long enough to confront him about the crap. I asked him why there was a dresser full and a closet full of Michelles clothes. He looked at me so stupidly and said ” There is? “. Did he really think that I would fall for stupid a second time? The sad part about all of this is I was actually falling in love with him. I’ve known this guy for so long or I thought I knew him.

Ooooh, but the best part is yet to come. I was messed up, really messed up. I felt so used. I felt used and when I thought about it, I honestly felt like he paid for the first weekend as he bought two of my meals and bought a tank of gas for my car. I felt so cheap. Cheap and used. He knew exactly what he was doing. He knew that I was vulnerable and he got what he wanted. So many times since this I’ve thought of a question he asked Elton when we first married. At the time I was horrified and thought “what a thing for a preacher to ask”, all these years I’ve just chalked it up to him being young at the time. Well now I guess he has his answer.

Some how or other Ronnies two adult children found out about this. I have no clue how because we really hadn’t told anyone about what was going on. I had told 3 people and none of them knew Ronnies kids. Anyway, I got a facebook message from his oldest daughter asking if she and Jake could come over. I wasn’t really sure I wanted to see them at all, now if I wanted them involved in any of this. I responded with a no, I’m not feeling well this evening and his daughter kept pleading with me. She finally stated something like look we sort of know what happened and I am so fing pissed at my daddy...... I was like wooaaaahhhh.

Sooo, the evening was spent with his kids, me breaking down several times, being hugged by his daughter and her telling me " Oh Mary, if I had only known... I would have warned you what daddy was like. He was so mean to momma when nobody was around".  Elizabeth was so sweet, and poor Jake didn't know what to say other then he was sorry. You could tell he was terribly hurt by what his father had done.  These are good, good kids. I watched them grow up, get married, and they now have or are planning on families of their own. To see how this upset them hurt me even more then I already was.

While they were at my house Elizabeth got a call....from Ronnie. Yeah. She didn't take it but then, after talking to me decided to call him back and see what he said. They said their hellos and then Elizabeth said to him "So what's all this I hear about Mary?" and Ronnie replies " Why that bitch, she's setting up house, making plans to move in. And that dog of hers stunk my house up so bad!!! She's a crazy bitch I tell ya!!! She's going around telling people that we're going to get married! ". Now Elizabeth had him on speaker phone so I heard the whole conversation. If it had been any other time in my life I probably would have laughed. But being where I was in life and this being the first relationship since Eltons passing and him being who he was ( having been Eltons best friend for 56yrs ) I just broke down in a heap on the floor. Elizabeth jumped up saying "I gotta go Daddy". I'm telling you, this man, if you can call him that, has REALLY messed me up, and then to top it all off, he's telling lies about me. First of all, I would NEVER move in to his house in Talledega as I OWNED my house in Scottsboro and it was nicer then his piece of shit rental that he was living in. ( and I am not usually judgemental but just stating fact here ) Second, as far as Calvin... he is always kept clean and neat as I can't stand having a nasty inside dog. Just putting it out there... Ronnie, do you know how badly you fart in your sleep???? You might want to record it some night! And finally, I am in no way, shape, of form ready for marriage and I will be the first to tell you that. AND, there is no way I would marry a guy after only three weeks into a relationship. I don't care if I HAVE known you for 30 years.... that's 30 years as a friend, not 30 yrs as in dating, exclusive, up close and personal....

So there you have it. I have tried to talk to him twice since all this has gone down just to put some closure to it but it’s not happened. He will chit chat with me but the minute I get serious he ” has to go “. Personally I think he is ashamed as well he ought to be. To be a preacher and do what he did is totally shameful. Not that I was totally in the right either, but hey… I’m not the preacher. It’s going to take me a long time to get over what he did to me. It was not a good first try back into the dating scene. Had this been someone I didn’t know, things would have never moved as fast as they did with Ronnie. I guess the moral of this story is… You never know someone as well as you think you do.

I do have to say if it wasn’t for my dear bestie Julie I would have never made it through this. She got me through many, MANY rough nights. With no family close by ( not that I would EVER tell this to my mom !!! ) she was the shoulder I had to cry on. There were many late night talks, many conversations with her telling me that I wasn’t stupid and to quit saying it ( I still say it today… How could I be so stupid???? )and her drilling it into my head that he just saw vulnerability there and grabbed it. She truly saved me as at one point there I seriously considered my life. Wow, that’s the first time I’ve put that out there other then to her. It’s pretty bad when a guy can do that to you. So to my bestie Jules, even though you’ll never see this, I have to say Thank You. I truly owe you my life, I love you!!!!!

 Hugs,M