More Catch Up in Coping

Hmm…where should I begin? Most of you know that I was VERY open about things on OD. That’s just who I am. Well, I haven’t changed any so don’t be surprised about what I’m going to write. Fair warning?????? LOL

Back at the end of September into the beginning of October I entered into my first relationship since Eltons passing. This was not anything that I took lightly at all. I’ve actually known the guy for thirty years as he was Eltons best friend. Ronnie and I had been getting together just to talk and reminisce about old times back when he had lived in Scootsboro. We would laugh and share storied of things Elton had done. As quiet a guy as Elton was, he could be quite the prankster and Ronnie was never lacking in stories of things they had done as kids.

I guess I should say too that Ronnie is divorced. So I didn’t have any concerns. Anyway, I was on my way back from visiting friends of mine in Birmingham and he had asked me to stop in and see him on my way through. Now just let me say.... his place is NOT on my way through, but rather a good hour an a half out of my way. But I hadn’t seen him since his move back to Talladega and I thought ” What the heck? I’ll stop by and visit for a couple of hours and then head on home”. Things didn’t quite work out the way I had it planned in my head.

At the time, I was having even more pain in my back then usual and by the time I got to his house I was in a great deal of it. At his suggestion I took a pain pill and went to lay down in his bed for a while. ( yeah, I know… I know ) I slept for about an hour, woke up, and went in to the living room. When he asked how the pain was and I told him not much better he offered to massage my back. I have to tell you, it was probably one of the best massages I have ever had.

When Ronnie was done with the back massage we both just laid on the bed and talked for a long time. It was nice, just talking about anything and everything. I haven’t felt like I could talk to someone like that in quite some time. Well, before you know it he rolled over and kissed me. I was kind of surprised at first and he was all apologies saying ” Oh, I shouldn’t have done that”, and “You’re my best friends wife” and things like that. But after I got over the initial surprise I realized I was feeling the same things. So I leaned over and kissed him back. One thing led to another and well, yeah...... you get the picture. And when it was over I laid there and cried. I felt so bad for Ronnie but I couldn’t help it. I had so many emotions going through me. Elton was the only man I had ever been with up to that point, I felt like I had cheated on him even though I knew I hadn’t, I kept wondering if I had done this too soon and if I was wondering it did it mean yes I had, I kept remembering the first time for Elton and I, and then I wondered if all these feelings were normal for someone who’s been through what I have. All this and so much more going through my mind and the tears just kept coming and I kept apologizing and Ronnie kept saying ” It’s OK, I understand…” as he held me and wiped the tears away.

I have to tell you, I stayed the rest of the weekend at his place and it was quite possibly the best weekend I’d had in quite some time. It was so nice to be “with” someone again, to be held, to wake in the morning with someones arms around you. But then Sunday morning came.

I guess I should backtrack and tell you something very important that I left out.....Ronnie is a Baptist preacher. He had been invited to preach at some church there on Sunday morning. Well, since I had made no plans for this stay I had no clothes appropriate for church. This meant that I stayed home while he went on. No problem right?

Maybe I should backtrack just a little bit more. First, Ronnie is legally blind. He graduated from the Gentry School for the Blind and Deaf and is now employed by them and makes pretty good money. I’m quite proud of him for that as before he was blind he was actually already on disability with back issues. He has worked hard and accomplished a lot since his blindness and I will never down him for that. That being said, when I walked in to his house on Friday afternoon and went into the living room the first thing I noticed was the framed marriage certificate for he and Michelle. Now in the back of my mind I’m thinking ” They divorced 4 or 5 years ago so why is this hanging up?”. Then, when I went in to the bedroom to take a nap I see a picture of them on his dresser so I’m really questioning things. Marriage certificate???? Framed picture????? But I didn’t say anything because at that point it wasn’t any of my business.

Aww heck, I just realized I got ahead of myself on this. Ronnie didn’t preach until the second weekend I was there. Oh well..on with the story. Didn’t mess up the facts too much. Monday morning I went to leave but before I did I asked Ronnie about the marriage certificate and the picture. His response was that Michelle had told him they were pictures of his kids and they would be gone before I came back next weekend.

OK, I think I’m going to have to tell this in two parts. It’s quite a long story but it’s one I want to put down, mostly for my healing.