It’s hard to believe it’s been almost two weeks since we lost Maddy. These days have been hard, and such a rollercoaster of emotion. So many dreams for our family died a long with Maddy, and I am realizing that more and more as each day passes.
Last night we took the crib out of what would have been Maddy’s room. She and Abby were going to share a room, so now when I walk into Abby’s room, one of my first throughts is that it should be Maddy’s room too. I can’t bring myself to take Maddy’s clothes out of the closet. I need to, but there just so little and cute, and they were supposed to be worn by a sweet little girl.
I see the world moving on around me, which I know is normal, but I’m afraid I’ll be stuck behind and alone in my grief.
Will is doing much better than I am, and part of me resents him for that. I feel like shouting to him and the world ” Don’t leave me here alone! This still hurts as much as it did the first day, if not more! Don’t forget Maddy! Don’t move on and leave me here, like this!”.
When I woke up this morning, I thought for a second maybe it had been a bad dream, I reached down, hopeful, to touch my belly.
I’m debating when to go back to work. I was going to go back on Monday, but my ob advised me to take another week. I need to get back into a routine, but my first grade class is so so hard this year. I’m not sure I have the energy or desire to deal with them yet.
On a funny note, Gavin facetimed my 24 year old male coworker while I was in the shower yesterday. Gavin didn’t realize he was talking in real time to Travis, and thought it was a movie of Travis. He brought the phone to me so I could see the “movie”, and held it up so I could see Travis, and Travis could see me!! SMH
Loading comments...