If in back on my feet again

in 9 days she will be dead for 4 years...

i don't just grieve her death...

i mourn for all the things that went with her...

i ache in my heart for the child we never had...

for the night she was conceived and the warm spring day she came into the world...

to look upon her face and see her mothers eyes and perfect grace...

her mother had no faith in me and told me no to my immortality...

there are hollow days in grey and empty yards where birthday parties and skinned knees linger in the sky like smoke...

boyfriends, dances, proms and school that linger in the dusk of life...

Christmas and holidays that never happened...

afternoons and nights spent setting on my knee as she listens to me tell her tales of soft and fuzzy things...

watching my little angel sleep as soundly as her mother did...

sharing innocence with each other...

as tired eyes feel young again...

all my lives that could have been, lived now through rerun TV shows...

grave stones now...

reminding me I'm now alone...