Family regrouping in The dotted line

It's been a shi**y week. A really shi**y week. My brother announced he was overwhelmed by caring for our Dad and said he was no longer able to contribute. He's the main carer.

He'd had a rough couple of weeks, something went awry after I last left. Dad started confusing me with our late Mum, started to become stressed and started behaving very out of sorts, that left my brother hyper vigilant and unable to cope.

My Dad then spent 9 days in hospital with a UTI, and the hospital became our respite care home whilst the family regrouped. It was beneficial for my Dad, as he was there long enough to have other issues seen to, like walking aids to counter his drop foot, injections to counter some lung fluids and a brain scan.

He lacked visitors though as I'm nearly 100 miles away and work full time, my other brother was in Italy and the main carer didn't really want to see him. Our alcohol dependent half brother thankfully stepped up and filled in the gap.

It's been like peering through fog to work out what's going on and plan ahead. We've scrambled to pull resources together, keep wider family informed, plan for emergency, short and long term care and not fall out with each other. That last part is the hardest. My husband currently hates my brother. I think my sister not-in-law does too.

Not for pulling out on Dad's care, but for the sense of entitlement he carries. His entire life is funded by my Dad - the house, the car, the bills, even an allowance on top. My parents were trying to support him, they thought they were doing the right thing but every time they tried to get him to be responsible he'd convince them things were changing and buy more time. For 20 years. So for him to walk away from my Dad, after all they did (and still do) for him, would be disgusting.

Thankfully after 9 days of calming down and a GP visit to get support with his anxiety, he's now willing to contribute, but it will be the bare minimum. We have contracted carers starting from Monday and I've found a dementia day care centre that we're going to enrol our Dad into so he can be in an engaging environment a few times a week. He's also getting a wearable fall alarm that will notify family and trigger medical assistance.

He comes home from hospital tomorrow, just as I arrive. My role is to prepare him for when I leave in a weeks time, to get him used to the carers and the new routine so that he's not stressed by it all. I'll be sad to lose the dynamic we had, where I think I made him feel wanted, independent and well supported. I hope he still sings and smiles just as much and grows to trust us all again in time.