i wrote this 26 years ago...
I went to my home town today, and took a drive. The place hadn’t changed much. the stores where I learned how to be a clever thief are still there, and the houses remain unpainted, and shabby. but I went down the memory lane, and retraced the paths of my youth, and found some truly heart breaking discoveries. The jr. high school where I learned to smoke, and make guitar bodies in woods class, has been demolished. it’s a flat dirt lot, now. the home where I was flung out the door and into the streets is an apartment building now, and it looks bad. like no one cares for the place anymore. The corner store where I would spend several afternoons reading comic book, and drinking coke till my stomached hurt, is a video store, and you can’t loiter there anymore. The heart of my youth has been cut out of me. it’s like the town is trying to erase all trace of me. (Probably a court order for that.) But on the way to my new home, I realized that time waits for no one. The place that I knew as a child is no more, but that only because I have to make room for all the new Dover boys, who will take their place in the halls of Valhalla, with me and my for runners. I stopped by my father’s home on the way out of town, and I saw my old daisy rifle setting in a corner with my father’s b.b.gun. I stared at it for a moment, and picked it up. The thing hadn't been touched for many years, the dust and spider webs made me sneeze. My niece came to me and asked me what I was doing, because grandpa said never touch those guns, ever. I explained to her that when I was the exact same age as she was, her grandfather, was the exact age I am, and we would take the guns and go hunting saber toothed rabbits, and mad jack squirrels. we took the guns outside and i cocked and fired mine, it hadn't changed a bit, it still took 30 minutes for the b.b. to roll down the barrel. i fired his gun and realized just how much fun it was to play with them. I took my niece to a small lake just about ix blocks from the house and we spent an hour looking for fresh water squid with a penchant for stealing babies out of their cribs, and had the best time of my life. the walk home was quiet, and reflective, but mostly it was a chance to see the world through my father’s eyes. i have to say this because if i don't sometime soon it will be too late. Dad i'm sorry. i could have done better by you, just like you could have done better by me. It took seeing the world through your eyes to understand the kind of man you are, and were, because i am the best man i could be. i am the man you wanted to be, and you gave me that. so thank you...
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