5/7 in scarlet_dragon

I constantly get on here to type an update and then just wind up ranting forever and quit and then come back days later and just post it to private.The last few weeks has been interesting. My Mom visited and it went ok. I can tell she’s trying to keep her complaining and negativity to a minimum or at least she was around me. So honestly I can’t be angry at that, she’s trying.
Life with a 17 year old has been a bumpy ride. I’m struggling with a lot with I guess everything if I’m honest and not quite sure how to deal. I’m debating on getting a vlogging style camera just because it’s easier to speak it all instead of typing out long winded entries.
Im struggling with the feeling that Senior year is crashing towards us now at a rapid pace and I feel ill equipped for it. I had wanted this summer to be a trip for myself and son to go on but I don’t see that happening because I’ve planned nothing. Maybe next Spring Break. I know he’s not moving out the second he turns 18 at least as of now he isn’t…who knows things are changing quickly.
He had prom last weekend and it ended up with us going out at almost 2am to get him at Waffle House he was the driver of 3 teenage girls 2 of the 3 which were intoxicated and wondered off with someone random and my son who had a curfew and didn’t want to leave his other intoxicated friend stranded at Waffle House.
He didn’t drink my only anger at him was he knew they’d be drinking for a few weeks before hand. So he now is still allowed to drive just himself to school and back and work and back. No extra running off place with people in the car.
I just keep replaying this image in my head of that night and how shitty these girls treated him.I’m like they are no friends of yours. He’s a good kid and I feel like they’re using him for rides places. I see him trying to talk to them and being like she was really messed up and got all quiet but they weren’t listening. It kills me that I have this image in my head and I wanted to shout at all these kids. I was a teenager once too…but it still hurts to witness someone treating your kid like shit.
All of that ontop of just feeling like I’m always trying to catch up with everything around here I’m burnt out. Mother’s Day is this weekend. I guarantee neither of the two boys have gotten anything or even remembered it. Which fucking hurts too when I try so hard to make sure they are celebrated on their holidays and birthdays. And I know giving a gift shouldn’t be with the intention of receiving something back so I guess I just have to accept I don’t warrant anything on that day. That may sound drastic but I didn’t think it was too much to ask for them to figure something out.
I can recall once when my sister was probably 18 and I was 16 we were out at the mall with my Mom and by the afternoon she’s finally was like so you guys could buy stuff for yourself but nothing for me? It was mother’s day and we had forgotten. Dad had stopped caring about that so yea we had forgotten. And I thought she blew it out of proportion but now looking back as an adult mom I can see why she was upset. Flowers..my favorite candy? Breakfast out? A special made dinner? Something. I dunno. I’m trying to think back if I even got anything last year. I doubt it.
Anyways.. Yea. I also was suppose to have my GYN doctor put in a referral to another doctor and it’s been two weeks now So I’m guessing she forgot. So I’ll have to go ask about that. I was so excited to finally get one thing crossed off the list and now I have to backtrack and ask about it. It all just becomes too much.
With the general chaos of the world…another what could be infectious thing going on I don’t know if I could mentally get thru this a second time. My brain starts going and I start seeing my son’s Senior year thrown into chaos and I don’t want that for him. I’m hoping things won’t turn out that way.
I throw all that and then also my endless gathering of random crap I don’t need. The amount of time I’ve wasted in my life moving crap from one area to the next, figuring out a way to store it, figuring out a way to get rid of it, figuring out a way to buy it. Over and over and over. Im at this point finally where enough is enough. It’s encroached into most areas of the house and I don’t want this mess to fall on anyone else to figure out. So I’ve got the time and still have the ability to move around physically that it needs done now.
So yea. I try to not get down on myself for not getting “more” done in a day but I do also sit around for a lot of hours of the day when I could be getting at least one thing done. I did finally have a Mercari sale and it was my old iPad mini. The one that I almost just sent to be recycled a year ago but held onto it and then listed it about 5 months ago on Mercari it went for 60.00. I got that one for Christmas when we lived in VA at Ft Lee and went home to Ohio to visit for holidays. So it’s been thru a lot and I used it a lot. I don’t use tablets too much anymore. They are too expensive and I have a MAC I do need to use the kindle tablet my son bought for me tho to start catching up on TV shows.
I think Mercari sales slowed way down when they started charging more and more for shipping costs and then fees etc. I do need to stop messing about and transfer what money I have from there over to my bank account so it’s at least a little more secure. Add it to the list of tasks I’ve put off a million times now.