January 3 in Never Say Never

I am up early this morning because I went to sleep before 7 pm last night. However, I am ready to take a nap. I think of sleeping my life away, and in theory it seems like a waste, but in practice it seems like the sweetest way to pass the time.

I am mostly still Facebook sober. I went to the site and looked at the first three posts on my feed, and I was glad that I did actually. The first two posts were about the engagement of my cousin to a wonderful woman. I am so happy for them both and am happy that I know that they are going to do the very big thing called marriage together. The third post was a photo of a friend’s dog with glitter on him. And then I quickly closed the window, because being on the site was making me anxious.

Yesterday was a day in which my anxiety was sky high. I spent much of the day wishing I were a person with anti-anxiety meds. It was a really hard day that included crying on and off, a fiery migraine that held on despite meds, and mostly feeling like I’d either been in a car accident or was coming down with the flu. My entire body ached and there were times it felt like my rib cage was collapsing in on my organs. Physically and mentally it was a crap day.

I did, however, stick to my plan. I worked five billable hours and did 75 minutes of hot yoga and meditated for seven minutes. I ate vegan except that some of the nuts and bars I bought previous to the plan have a little honey on/in them. So there’s a little honey happening, but I won’t buy those again after they are gone – at least not while I am doing vegan. I watched two episodes of Mozart in the Jungle and almost finished the cap I am knitting. I am not sure yet how to finish it off, but I will figure that out today.

This breakup is harder than I thought it would be. I am much sadder than I guessed I would feel.

Last updated January 03, 2015