[random wedding thoughts] in 2013-2014

Courtesy of a bottle of wine and the unsettling realization that things are getting Close and Serious and it’s not next year anymore.

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I love offbeatbride.com.

I still don’t feel squealing or fabulous or like a princess. I feel like a road warrior who’s getting married to justify the road trip of a lifetime and squealing and fabulous and like a princess about to show 5000 miles who’s boss with her favorite partner in crime, whose parents also took a road trip as a honeymoon.

Should I wear a veil? I hate veils, right? Of course I do. My hair is big enough. Why am I second-guessing this?

I’m not throwing my bacon bouquet. I’m eating it. Should I throw something? I like that Mario Kart shell idea.

My dress wasn’t my fantasy dress, which was a barely conceived, barely articulated delicate mermaid dress of classy lace and cap sleeves in ivory or something equally not-white, without much of a train because trains are pretentious. My dress is poofy, it has tulle and crinoline, it is blindingly snow-white, it has a long train and needs a bustle, it is somewhere between A-line and ballgown. It is $500 off and it’s my dress, somewhere between fantasy and reality and pouncing on a truly excellent sale–and it will have cap sleeves.

Nothing in weddings is what you fantasize. It’s not your vision. It’s frustrating and expensive and feelings get hurt; it is reality and it is truly, in all manners of the word, a labor of love. Hell, my bridesmaids up and decided that their dresses would be plum instead of regency and it wasn’t worth fighting over because it’s all purple in the end and it’s not about my “vision” when I barely have decorations anyway.

I do want more purple. How do I cheaply incorporate more purple? Where do I put it in the church?

“Pick your bridal party wisely” they say and “delegate delegate delegate” they say and I say make sure your bridesmaids aren’t going to be preoccupied with their own lives that they forget about yours. Good thing I wasn’t hellbent on my bachelorette party or bridal shower. Okay maybe I am a little bitter, but it’s on principle.

Weddings totally bring out the shallow bitch in people.

Last updated December 31, 2014