The Way We Were Sunday, December 05, 2004 in scarlet_dragon

Sigh....So my mom's downstairs at the moment taking pictures of her American Girl Doll Clothes that she makes to sell and I was just sitting in the living room and and my moment of peace....none of the lights were on and only the Christmas trees and a candle were lit and also we have a star that hangs in the window,and it was just very calm...I guess during this time of the year you get so caught up in the other things that you just forget about the way it use to be when you were a kid...Christmas to me just doesn't feel the same as it use to be..and that saddens me.I was looking at all the ornaments I have one from every year that I've been around and I remember how much fun it use to be I would get excited for Christmas when it was still Halloween and now it's like I just want it to be over,and I don't like that feeling but when you're pushed and shoved in lines waiting to buy something for someone that you really can't afford to buy and having to deal with people who are too pissed off about the world to care it begins to take it's toll on you.Christmas just doesn't have the feel it use to it's just my mom and me now my parents are split up and Emily hasn't been home for a Christmas day in at least 2 years,and it's sad but I guess that's the way life is.I'm sad to think about the day that I won't be here to wake up on Christmas with my mom and she will be all alone it really makes me sad even brings tears to my eyes right now writting about it,b/c I don't think my mom deserves to be alone on Christmas day.It's sad to think how commericalized Christmas has become now you need this car and this cell phone and this 50.00 toy...it's crap most people can't afford to spend the money they do and yet they still do living in debt for the next year just to try to pay for everything they buy for everyone and people may say well that's their fault but what person really likes to tell people sorry we aren't giving you gifts this year b/c we can't afford to?I think I'll go the route next year of making things for everyone on my list... I did that this year with my mom and I really do think it's my most special gift I can't wait to give it to her I know she'll probably cry...but yes sitting in my living room in the dark brought up all of these profound thoughts for the evening...now I think I'll go and sit back in the living room and enjoy the dark silence of a cold December nite