Ahh Yes Thursday, December 02, 2004 in scarlet_dragon

So....it's like midnight and thought I should entertain myself by writting an entry since I'm pretty sure I won't talk to Kris tonite I talked to him this afternoon and he's out with his best friend celebrating his Birthday...I know Kris won't drink b/c he has to be everyone's driver that and the fact that I don't think he'll be drinking again after his 21st B-day incendent...which I'm glad I'm not big on the drink till u puke ur guts up think a few drinks ok but not like all sorts of mixing and junk just not for me...but n-e ways I get off topic...lunch with my father was grand (Not makes a face) ...well it wasn't bad I got Steak and Shake and desert out of it...so not all bad oh yea and my $10,000 which is good I can finally sleep better at nite...I have to go take it to the bank tomorrow.Funnnn didn't do too much after lunch with dad i watched the like 4 hours of stuff I had saved on tivo also watched the show clean sweep on TLC everytime I see that show it makes me want to go in my room and throw out everything I own and hope that I will never own all the shit that people do...it's amazing how much stuff we gather in our lives...cuz I know Kris is a bit of a clutter bug but I won't let that happen if we ever get married and live together....speaking of such Kris's friend the one who's b-day is today got his gf an engaggment ring freakin 1 carat diamond cost 4,200 sheesh but like he wanted Kris and me to be there when he proposes to his gf and I really don't want to be there 1... b/c it should be something for the 2 of them and not for everyone else around them...and 2.. b/c I don't want to see another person or couple I know get engagged again...I know it might sound mean but I freakin want to be the one to be engagged but the way Kris talks I don't think it's going to be n-e time soon or even in the near future which sorta breaks my heart a little bit I guess it doesn't mean he loves me n-e less and I know engaggment means big things and stuff has to be set and such but even thought we could be engaged doesn't mean we have to run off and get married in like a year...I don't know I guess the thing about it is that when Kris and I first started to date and be a couple like close to 3 years ago he always talked about us being married and made it seem like within the next few years we would be married and it use to be when we're married and such and now it's like IF we get Married..I guess that's the difference between teenagers with silly dreams to adults that have to deal with reality..I mean he was 17 when I met him and now he's 21 and I was 15 and now im 19 I guess the the stuff we've been thru has changed us...maybe for the better maybe not I dunno but all of Kris's friends are older then him so they are getting ready to settle down and do that sort of stuff ...I mean my sister was engaged when she was 19 and she would have been married right now if she hadn't have broken it off with her fiance...and my mom was upset that she would have been married that young but she didn't seem to get tooo upset she even started planning the wedding but when I talk about being engagged my mom tells me she doesn't think it's going to happen and she also talks about my sister and her talking about getting engaged and my sister's going to be 22 and my mom's like I don't think she should get engaged..I guess it might be a mom thing and not wanting to let her kids grow up but I'm 19 and if I want to be engaged and be married I can I'm not a child n-e more I just wish she could be happy with that but by the time Kris proposes to be I'll probably be 30 so it won't matter by then...o well ttyl nite nite need sleep.