writing became an avenue for self exploration, questioning life, and mental relaxation, but she wanted to put this new liberty to a test before venturing down this new path. the thought of social media came to mind, but since she was never on the all popular Facebook, she had to look some place else, and there was Goodreads. of course she had a Goodreads profile she'd been an avid reader for years, and way back then the platform had a writers section so persons could post samples of their writing. she had a plan, she told herself that if she put the piece up and got a good response she will continue to write. so she took the plunge, and to her astonishment, as negative as it may have been to some people, there were others who really appreciated it. they appreciated the fact that someone actually had the guts to write about every sad, angry, dark thing instead of covering it all up with apparent positivities. some readers actually wanted to read about all the harsh and negative things that are usually digested alone and in silence. so with a reasonable response, the writing continued. but she wanted to delve far deeper into herself, to discover herself, to explore her own individuality. but with any venture there are hurdles, many hurdles, high hurdles, low hurdles, and a fist constantly knocking on the door of reason inveigling those aspects of self that are usually dissolved in doctrines and regulations. it was at this point that she found one reason for her outlook on life and her feelings, so she wrote "you are no judge of my soul" (©️ mvclarke, 2013)
" ... what makes you think that I am happy in the midst of this shelter, this fortress
that i do not crave the evils of Sodom
or am not already enraptured by the sins of Gomorrah
what makes you think that I abstain from all fruits forbidden to me
and have not been poisoned by the toxins of worldly pleasures?
is it because i live a life of nonchalance and shirk all revelries around me?
if such are your thoughts
then
you do not know me..."
she later continues her investigation...
" so don’t bombard me with your judgment
for you possess neither the likes of my saviour or elements of my salvation
do not compare my actions or decisions with those of yourself or the masses
or impose your rites and rituals upon me
do not judge me for what I do or have not done
or attempt to break the boundaries of my soul
for I may be suffering the anguish of a thousand regrets
or relishing the ecstasies of a million delights
you are not a god
who are you to judge me?"
and after her own discovery, she decides to explore her individuality...
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