Holiday Season. For me this is a season of fun that starts in October and runs clean until June! Between birthdays, anniversaries and holidays every single month there is something to look forward to.
My sweetie and I celebrated the Canadian thanksgiving with turkey and all the trimmings. We had his momma over for supper and it was a quiet but good night. The turkey was delicious but not the same without my whole family near. It was manageable though. I didn’t get sad it was just a noted “someone’s missing” feeling.
I was a little sad over Halloween. This was the first year that my daughter and I didn’t end up at the same bar with each of our prospective friends by the end of the night to ‘tie one on’. I did end up walking around with my new family here and the little ones and it was pretty nice. There is something to be said for trick or treating without wearing snow suits or even coats!
My sweetie and I celebrated the US thanksgiving with his whole family. My daughter in law wanted to come over and do all the baking. I helped her watch the kids while she did this. The baby was impossible that night. She tossed a fit the entire night causing her to either be in her momma’s arms or RIGHT on the counter with her. I am amazed at what her momma can accomplish with a baby on hip and only having one hand to cook with. Her baking was outstanding! I made the caramel from scratch for her. It’s tricky and she’s not made it before. Everyone loved her baking :) This holiday didn’t affect me at all. I’m not used to eating Thanksgiving this late into the year after all.
After dinner was cleaned up my daughter in law, her best friend and I went black Friday shopping. THAT was so much fun with them. If I’m not working next year I’m definitely going again with them. I got WAY too much stuff at Victoria Secrets. I got a screaming deal on a digital camera for my sweetie. I also got an electric skillet and a little table for the girls when they come over to visit. There were nearly no lines at all. No one was pushing or shoving. Seriously Christmas shopping was more stressful than that night was!! It was great.. I’m going again if i can with them!!
And then began the slow but definitely noticeable slide. I hate Christmas away from my kids. I really do. My son and daughter are in Canada. They both work for the food service industry as chef’s so this time of year they are super busy! No time off for them. I can’t travel back yet. Each passing day I got more sad and more sad.
I should have been so happy this year. I have my sweetie here with me. After August… hell he DIED in the ambulance. That could have been it.... but he’s here with me. Alive and mostly healthy. Which makes me so very happy!! It was our first Christmas as a married couple … special times .... and it was really. However as each day rolled closer the more weepy I became. I did pretty good trying to hide it. 3 days before I told him I was really sad that my family is not here. That I can’t be with them and that I generally just miss them a lot. He was so supportive - he’s great really once he knows I’m upset. I perked up a bit once I had presents to wrap. I love wrapping presents!! I did was better when I went to do Christmas baking with my daughter in law again. I love spending time with her!
As some of you may know (or if you didn’t you will in a minute) I am currently going through the immigration process. Due to this I cannot go home as my attorney did not file the paperwork for “Advance Parole” (seriously that is what it’s called) so I could leave this country to go home to Canada for ANY reason. I pray EVERY SINGLE NIGHT that my family members stay safe till this is done. Why not just go home? If I leave the country immigration sees it as I’m abandoning my petition and I have to start all over from square one - on the other side of the border.
I have had such a hard time the past few weeks. Christmas coming up. I get all sad as I can’t see my kids. (They both work in the food service industry so their super busy right now and can’t take time off to come here.) The past few days have been terrible. I was miserable, bitchy, quiet, weepy.
Christmas morning I cried because here I am no kids, no one here to open gifts until about 4pm. It was just like any ordinary morning really. Except that my sweetie wrote me a nice email and he made me cry. It was so nice to see that he appreciates all that I do for him. That his surgery didn’t only take a toll on him but me as well. That he really does realize that I put my whole life on a shelf to come here with him. Yeah.. made me cry. He’s so sweet.
*It is amazing, this year. Our life finally started on our terms at our pace. That pace quickened up and we got married in March, then again in June. Heck, we had so much fun the first time we had to do it again. We fast forward to August. A month I know you will never forget. Fortunately and unfortunately I don’t remember much of. But I know you were there by my side every slow step. I put you through so much in those few weeks and more weeks to follow that I am truly sorry for.
You are my little one, but you are also my Rock. You keep me grounded, you make me want to succeed more than I ever have. That is why I work so much. Yes I know I push myself when I shouldn’t but hey, I don’t remember I am not supposed to push myself. My memory is worse than I tell you because I don’t want to worry you. But the doctor said its normal so I just accept it. I find myself forgetting little things and more often big things. But I always have you there to guide me back on track. This is a lot for you and a lot of this you didn’t sign up for. So for that I thank you for sticking by me during all this. I can’t tell you enough how much that really means to me.
I know I am not the most emotional man in the world. But I want you to know that I do love you more than you will ever know. Love you so much at times it hurts when I feel I am not providing enough, or doing enough for you. You seemed to have put your life on hold only to care for me. I don’t want that. I want you to succeed on your own and, well hell , be my sugar momma. :) Actually I want to see you achieve to the level of your full potential. Which I know is greatness.
It is almost 3am yet another night I can’t sleep. I find myself sitting here to the early morning only to fall back into bed exhausted and snuggle up next to you and just hear that soft sigh you give me when I do this.
I just wanted you to know how much I love you and how much I appreciate all that you do. From the smallest things to fully taking care of me.
Love
Me*
He felt bad that he mad me cry but it was not intentional it was totally me. You can only bottle up so much tears until they all come out. I was good after that for most of the day. He came and checked on me every now and then to make sure I was still holding it together.
My daughter Skyped me from her iPhone while she was at her fathers house. It was a nice little visit!! I cried a bit when she let me go. I just miss her terribly. Her and I are VERY close, like sisters more than mom/daughter. My sweetie hugged me all better and distracted me so the weepies passed.
Everyone from this area came over in the afternoon. God I love having a house full of people! He still checked on me to make sure I was ok while making supper and stuff. I was good though. Enough distractions between the kids and making sure all the adults had what they needed for drinks and snacks.
We had everyone bring their gifts here and there was SO many!! It was so much fun seeing the kids and everyone so happy. I love seeing joy when you give someone something that you worked on or thought really hard about. All was going well until my sister in law gave me her gift. She gave to me a little bag. Inside was about 6 tins of the Earl Grey Vanilla tea that I simply cannot find here at all and a perfect tea cup. I said “OMG! I can’t find this stuff here! Thank you so much!!” She says “I know. Neither could I. I looked everywhere!! The website has it but it does not ship to the USA. I found it in England but it would have cost me an arm and a leg with shipping and exchange. Then I just called Sierra (my daughter) and had her get them ….. ” I have no idea what she said after that because I turned into a blubbering weeping pile of tears. I even made her cry. After we had a good weep she said “If I knew it would have made you cry I would not have got that.” I told her “Nope.. it’s awesome. I love it and I wouldn’t change a thing!”
Even though she was not physically here she was here in spirit as she was the one who made sure her momma had something from home given to me by my wonderful sister in law.
Supper was delicious. Ham, empanada, sides and desserts. Always too much food but who cares about having too much food. It means our family is doing well financially that we can afford to feed everyone too much. Grant you he momma insisted on buying everything for us (which was VERY nice) which made it considerably easier on our pocket book!
After dinner the kids were cranky after a day of gifts and going to everyone’s houses and no naps. The adults got he itis (you know… that sleepy feeling from eating too much). They all went home around 730pm and the house was quiet by 9pm. It’s weird because come 730pm that is when the snacks and little sandwiches come out at my family gatherings. So do the board games and cards! Nothing like a game of uker after a huge meal! I’ll have to see if I can somehow bring that tradition into this family. I think they would love it.
My daughter skyped me again on boxing day when she was visiting with 90% of my family. I got to see everyone as I was passed around. Everyone looks awesome and healthy!! Then my cousin and daughter surprised me again - their coming to see me at the start of February!! squeee How exciting!!!
All in all it was a good Christmas. I got unexpected gifts that I love. We’re still shopping for one of my gifts. I was able to see loved ones that are very far away thanks to modern technology. I have a very exciting few days coming shortly after my birthday. Most of all everyone was happy, there was lots of love to go around and no one is sick. You really can’t ask for much more than that!
Loading comments...