3/2 in scarlet_dragon

It’s kind of hard to believe it’s already the start of March. It’s cold and dark and rainy today. The kind of day I’d like to just stay in and do nothing. I talked myself out of going to various stores multiple times today. It’s difficult when I’m stressed and just use it as a coping mechanism. Got to reprogram myself to do something else instead.
Since Friday it’s been a lot of stuff personally, then with family, friends and then nationally. We aren’t meant to process this many shitty things before lunch time. It’s starting to really drag me down.
It’s hard to try and focus on myself and trying to get better when things feel like they’re going down in flames around you.
Friday we did our usual going for groceries in the morning but we had gotten a call by Wednesday that the car we’ve been waiting 11 months for was finally on its way there. So Friday we went to the dealership and finally got it.
It’s a beautiful amazing car it’s just insanely expensive. Even with putting 10,500.00 down we still needed the loan for 50k. We’ve been talking about this car for almost 20 years now tho and so we got it. Insurance is switched around and by tomorrow my son will officially be able to drive himself places. So scary. I know he’s had his official license for a year now but this will be the first time out on his own. I worry, a lot.
I’ve got huge car manuals to read through on all the things the car does.
So there’s that.
Car payment and the about 1.2 k bump in our insurance costs it’s going to make things interesting. An extra about 900 a month needs to go towards car things. Husband said we’d sit down at start of summer and go over what we will be asking the teen to pay towards insurance. Because we expect him to bump up the hours he works over summer.
Like I said a lot.
My husband’s sisters husband had testing done and they’re confirmed him with stage 4 prostate cancer. So that’s a lot to process as well. My nephew (husband’s brothers’ son) wedding is next month and they all had plans to go to it but now with this I’d guess they won’t make it, or I wouldn’t want to travel from Texas to NJ with that. So this combined with everything else in the world it’s a fucking nightmare most days.
I’d give anything to go back and fix what led to this mess. I’m not going to get into political arguments with people on either side but I can say if Trump and his jolly band of assholes decides they want to do away with midterm elections we’re screwed.
UGH.
So I keep just trying to distract myself from the shit storm that keeps swirling daily. Somedays I look at the endless to do lists and making decisions about how much car insurance we want or need seems almost laughable. Like why do I keep having to do things legally when rich billionaires can just do whatever the fuck they want?
Anyways.
Yea. This is where we are now.
I’ve also been doing about 7 loads of laundry that my son has put off for weeks. This also caused me to get angry about the state of his disaster of a room and then when I find him taking stuff like cleaning or office supplies without asking and using it all up I get really heated. I need to learn to not dog pile him tho. My husband has been doing that lately and when I called him out on it he got ticked off at me. I believe everyone’s emotional state is very violatile lately.
So it’s easy to see when I fall into the internet video void. Except that my feed has been slowly leaking in political crap too. I don’t want to see it. I won’t live with my eyes closed but I can’t handle it all the time. So I need to pick up digital free activities to clear my mind and limit scrolling yet again on another platform to maybe after dinner.
So that’s where things are right now. Just kind of feel like I’m in survival mode.I hope to everything there will be better days. When I think back to 20 years ago the picture in my head of retirement wasn’t this.