It’s been a long time since I came here. I thought it may be a good thing to start coming back to record what is going on. I know my days are incredibly boring but their about to start getting busy. I may as well share my new adventures with the Prosebox world (and the couple of friends I have logged in here)
Where to begin? Well I guess I should bring us back to the evening where everything changed. Aug 6 - 7:52pm That was the night the my very new husband had a heart attack while he was at the store getting coffee - without me. The ONE TIME he went out alone he had a major heart attack. I was home, with the dog, finishing up the dishes before we settled into a night of ‘the same old same old’. How do I know it happened at 7:52pm if I was not there? It’s because at 8:05pm I remember getting a feeling wash over me like a wave that something was wrong. Something was VERY wrong. I didn’t know what to do. Thankfully I had my friend on gtalk with me and another on Skype. During the panic that came over me I prepared a bag of things “just in case” and I got my socks and shoes on. I knew something was wrong but I didn’t know how to find out what ore even how to fix it. Gina was able to track down a phone number and get my crazy anxiety down enough for me to call the store and ask if an ambulance was called. There was and the gentleman was experiencing chest pains and was whisked off to the nearest hospital. Being new here I had no idea what the nearest hospital besides the VA hospital was. So I started there.
There were so many great people that two weeks. The first one was the man who answered the ER phone at the VA hospital. I have no way of knowing who it was at this point but he not only gave me a list of radiating hospitals but also all their phone numbers to call. There were some not so great people who answered the ER phones. Like one crabby nurse who with all the spite she could muster spat into the phone “We’re closed!” I remember staring at my disconnected cell phone in total disbelief. ER’s at hospitals have open and close times? How bizarre is that. I did find him though. He was at the 4th hospital on the list. One that was clear across town. Thanks to the outrageous HIPPA laws here in the USA all they would tell me is that he was there, he was awake and he was talking. They would not tell me how fast I should get there. What happened exactly. Nothing. I got a cab to bring me to the car since I knew where it was. (One of the FEW times I actually had cash on me too) and with the help of “Oliver” my handy GPS off we went.
When I got there, no one as in the ER wait room. Not one single person. It was eerie. I’m not used to going to ER and it being devoid of ALL people (workers and patients). After calling the ER line again someone brought me in. He looked awful. Wires everywhere. Monitors beeping. I’m used to seeing wires and monitors. Sadly not my first time at this reodo. He really did look awful. He was having a terrible time breathing. His heart rate was crazy high. So I asked the ER nurse what happened. He was one of two bad nurses that he had during his stay. In quick succession he told me that he had a major heart attack. That he died in the ambulance and they had trouble getting him back. That they were still having trouble stabilizing him. That they were sending him up to the Cardio Vascular Intensive Care Unit (CVICU). I remember asking if I should call his mom. The nurse shrugged and said “If you want.”
I called her. She seemed to appear within seconds. I still think they were in the parking lot waiting as she called me as I was on my way to the hospital. I had called her wondering if he went to her house for coffee instead of going to the store. I’m glad he didn’t. He would have killed himself and possibly others if he had.
The next few days are at this point a blur. He had a cathlab done. He was not a candidate for catheters. He required open heart surgery to fix the damage. The cardiologist stated that he needed A bi-pass. The cardiac surgeon stated that he had pneumonia in his lungs, bad. The surgeon needed to operate right away but would not unless “something bad happens” until 5 days had passed. Until then he was to sit, be calm and no getting out of bed. He was relentless in getting out of bed. He asked EVERYONE who came in until one nurse caved.
Aug 11 at 7:30am he had his bi-pass surgery. He was in surgery for 4 and a bit hours. I slept through most of his surgery. His daughter convinced me that everyone was there and that I really should take one of my prescription anxiety meds. (I ration those off like gold since I have no physician yet) I guess they still work because I was out! The surgery nurse came and advised he did well with the surgery and that he came out with a Quad bi-pass being done. The day of his surgery he made me laugh. They prepped him for surgery and allowed me to go in one last time before they sent him to the OR. He opened his eyes and said “You work here?” I smiled and said “Yes I do” He looked and said “Since when?” I told him “I started on Wednesday night” (the day of his heart attack) He said “Oh good. You can start helping to pay the bills then.” Then he giggled like a school girl and said “I’m so high right now” Yeah he was. Versaid is awesome!
All of his family was there. His children. His siblings both near and far. Even his closest cousin came from up state. His daughters were very supportive of him and me. They watched the house. They made sure I was fed. Did clothing runs for me. (I never left the hospital). I still felt alone. All of my family and friends are back in Canada and my best friend was the patient. I cried when no one was looking. Suck it up - I gotta be strong for him right? I have never been so scared in my life and I can honestly tell you that it was the single most stressful time of my life. I say that even with the fact that I have buried both of my parents before I was 39. I think what made it hard is that my support structure simply could not be here due to the distance. Sure I could call them but it’s not the same. Being supported by people who KNOW know you is different. Believe me on this.
You know I saw the spooks. I told my daughter that they were back. Lots of them this time. Never so much at one time. Thing is I never know who it’s for. It’s always someone close to me but .. who? I know who it was for now. I am glad he’s still here with me. The next time they come around like that he’s going right into the doctors office! I prayed.. I still pray. Yeah he drives me crazy but I’m not ready to be a widow yet. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for that.
Fast forward months later. He’s fine. He’s all healed. Cardiologist says he’s doing great. Primary physician says he’s doing ok. We have a mountain of debt from the surgeries we’ll never get out from under. $400,000.00. If you ever wonder what major surgery costs there’s your number. He’s got some memory issues still. Their getting better but he has good days and bad days.
I worry. I worry a lot. I see his abdomen swelling again like it was before. He says he’s fine. He’s starting to get headaches again. He says he’s fine. This was his second cardiac event. I’m not so sure his heart can take a 3rd time. We eat better. Yay low sodium lifestyle. He needs to exercise more. Hell I need to exercise more. I just worry. I think he’s getting worse but either he does not want me to worry or he’s in denial - like he was before. I saw that something was wrong before and I just listened to him. No nothing was wrong. I’m ok. Clearly he was not. I should have made him go in. Grant you the end result would have been the same thing. The only difference would be that he would not have had a heart attack right before it.
I’ll write more of the last few months soon. Right now it’s super late and I’m going to bed where I can hear my husband snoring. You know I’ll never tire of that sound. Snoring means he’s sleeping… and he’s alive!
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